Jurassic World Review

Written by Stu Cooper

This past weekend dinosaurs invaded your local cinema and Colin Trevorrow's Jurassic World was released. The film stomped the box office, raking in over 500 million dollars worldwide! The toy lines are lining your local Toys R' Us and there is a Lego game adaptation being released this week. This film marks the fourth entry in the series, but serves as a direct sequel to the original. The film completely disregards the events of 2 and 3.

Jurassic World takes place 22 years after the original. The park and technology has advanced beyond anything Hammond could have imagined in the first installment. The park itself has gotten a massive upgrade which includes a petting zoo, a shark feeding show, and a brand new breed of dinosaur! Geneticists that work for the park decided to mix the DNA of various dinosaurs, creating the Indominous Rex. The Indominous Rex serves as a new attraction, which the park owner's hope will boost dwindling attendance. Unfortunately for park attendees, the chaos theory returns and dinosaurs escape.

The film revolves around Owen (Chris Pratt), a raptor trainer and ex-navy soldier who serves as the stories Han Solo. He is reluctant to help serve the park's leaders and does not support the new dinosaur idea. While Owen does not seem to enjoy working for Jurassic World, he does enjoy the bond he shares with the raptors. Not only does Owen bond with the raptors, but he gives them orders, which they follow! It's pretty cool to see a human working with raptors, but the cgi kind of takes away from any real threat element to Pratt when he is close to them. They are often not even in the same shots together.

While the focus of the film is mostly on Pratt's character, the other main characters are of course...helpless children. Two brothers named Gray and Zach are visiting the park with their nanny when all the sudden chaos ensues. The children find themselves trapped in the middle of it, much like the original film. The boys are also there visiting their aunt, who happens to be the manager of the park. Her name is Claire, played by the absolutely gorgeous Bryce Dallas Howard. She also has some kind of past relationship with Owen (Pratt). The four of them end up going on an adventure through the park, trying to escape the clutches of the Indominous Rex.

Another part of the story revolves around the evil human element of this world. Not only are dinosaurs a threat, but a private military organization called InGen is trying to get their hands on the trained raptors. The leader of the group is played by Vincent D'onofrio, who plans to use the raptors for military attacks. He partners up with the evil geneticist played by B.D. Wong. The geneticist is actually the only reoccurring character from the original. Which is odd because the character was not sinister in the original. He seems to be corrupted by the power that creating dinos has given him.

After chaos ensues and dinosaurs escape, we follow Claire and Owen as they go on a search for the two children. Pratt and Howard's chemistry is questionable. They seem to be channeling a classic Han Solo/Leia vibe. Unfortunately it doesn't seem too real, which becomes a problem through out the film. Claire is an upper class cold business woman and Owen is the down and dirty animal trainer. The film plays up the whole “we are from different worlds” love story. It feels somewhat forced, but both actors are beautiful people so naturally audiences don't mind.

The two children involved in the film are one of the films weak points. I found them to be extremely bland and annoying. The older brother is very unlikable and really does nothing in the film to show he is someone you should root for. The younger brother is harmless and serves as the child spirit of the film. Sadly I think the child actor was a little too excited in some scenes, and looks like he is about to laugh most of the time.

As for the effects, the dinosaurs look absolutely stunning and rather realistic. I would say the Indominous Rex is the most unrealistic looking dinosaur, but what can you expect when the creature doesn't actually exist. The T-Rex and raptors return and look just as stunning as the originals. You also get to see a parade of various breeds of dinosaurs as the film tours the park. It actually feels like you're at some type of “what if” futuristic Disney. In this world, lions and tigers are old news and dinos are the new attraction.

While the film was beautiful and served as a great homage to the original, it wasn't without it's problems. I found the two child characters to be boring and the film spends a lot of time on them, which grows tiresome. I just have to remember that ultimately this is a children's movie and children relate to child actors.

I also found the love story between Claire and Owen to be superficial and by the book. It really serves no purpose other than a reason for the four of these people to be in the same room. I will say I really loved Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire, who played the cold boss perfectly. The only objection I had to her character was that she wore heels the entire time, despite the fact that she is literally running from a T-Rex. She must have some major balance skills!

The score of the film was a refreshing rehash of the original tunes. The film inserted the theme song into a few scenes, some of which fit, some didn't. I remember thinking the first time the song cues up, it was a tad awkward and forced. Regardless, I'm glad the original theme is back.

The film certainly had it's ups and downs, but I think it really served it's purpose. It's the best sequel and a worthy addition to the franchise. It's a solid sequel/reboot for a new generation of kids. The children of the original Jurassic Park fans are the ones going to the theaters, so you can't help but feel a little nostalgic watching it. The park itself almost seemed like a satirical take on the original film. You have a character that makes merchandising references and you have the crew of the park creating a BIGGER, BADDER dinosaur because “the attendees demand it”. You could say the whole thing is satire on the genre. The films tone is all over the place. You see a peak of darkness in a particular death scene, but overall the film is very light. Most of the violence comes in the form of combat between two or more dinosaurs. I'm certainly not complaining about seeing that!

When you think third sequel in a franchise, you think chances are the film will not be very good. However, my early impressions of Jurassic World were very positive given the impressive trailers and the youthful talented cast. I was going into this film fully ready to experience another trip to Isla Nublar, and I didn't leave disappointed. Jurassic World is a nonstop adventure through a parallel universe where dinosaurs have replaced apes and whales at the zoo.

WWF Wrestlemania (NES 1988) Review

Written by Stu Cooper

Today the WWE will be presenting WWE Wrestlemania 31 on PPV and the WWE Network. 31 years of the biggest wrestling show on the planet, but it didn't start that big. Most historians of pro wrestling know that the original Wrestlemania was quite the gamble and the WWE (WWF at the time) didn't really know if it would work or not. It all started with closed circuit TV being aired in local arenas in the New York area. 30 years later, 70,000+ people attend on a yearly basis and the show rivals the Super Bowl in terms of performance and showmanship from entertainers and competitors alike. To celebrate this glorious day I decided to take a look at my NES (Nintendo) collection and pick out the first ever WWF game that was released for a major console. That game was "WWF Wrestlemania" and it was released in 1988.

WWF Wrestlemania marked the first officially licensed game in the WWF universe. The game was developed by RARE, who would go on to make such classics as Donkey Kong Country and Banjo & Kazooie. The game was published by Acclaim, which was actually the start of a near 20 year relationship with the company. The company would go on to publish all of the WWF's games on home consoles for several years, including the NES follow-up "Wrestlemania Challenge". The game was released right before Wrestlemania 4 and was released to hype the event. The game itself carries a Wrestlemania 3 theme tho. It features the tagline from that event "Bigger. Better. Badder." despite the fact that this makes no sense in context of gaming, since this is their first attempt. The game itself bares little resemblance to Wrestlemania 3 other than the cover, which is a photo from that time period, and the fact that in the game Hulk Hogan is the only wrestler that actually possesses the ability to bodyslam Andre The Giant. Kind of a neat design note there.

The game features six unique wrestlers, all of which were quite popular at the time of the game's release. The six wrestlers are Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant, The Honky Tonk Man, Bam Bam Bigelow, "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase, and this year's Hall of Fame inductee "Macho Man" Randy Savage! To quote Macho, they certainly picked the "cream of the crop" for this game. The roster while small is certainly memorable. If you are a wrestling fan and you aren't a fan of at least one of these guys, something is wrong. Each wrestler features a little image and profile on the character select screen. You get to see the basic stats of the wrestler and it even lists the wrestlers manager if they had one. For Bam Bam it lists "Oliver Humperdink" as his Manager, for Million Dollar Man it lists "Virgil", for Honky it lists "Colonel Jimmy Hart". Pretty neat but would have been even better if they had a little 8 bit version of the manager cheering you on in between matches, similar to the coach in Tyson's Punchout.

Each wrestler has a set of pretty basic moves consisting of punches, kicks, bodyslams, elbow drops, leg drops, etc. In terms of unique moves some wrestlers like Macho Man have alternate moves. Macho will use his elbows more and also does his top rope elbow drop. Bam Bam does lots of kicks and even does a little cartwheel. Hogan actually possesses the power to bodyslam Andre and that is a feat that no other player in the game can do. The game lets each wrestler do a top rope move, but Andre and Bam Bam (despite him doing moonsaults) cannot climb the rope. There is no outside ring action or finishers unfortunately. Despite the lack of depth in the game, there are a few little bonus things that make the game interesting. Each wrestler will start to glow red if they are losing, and that can cause the wrestler to be angry which increases the damage of each move. Also some wrestlers have little bonus icons that appear inside the ring throughout the match. Each item that appears is representative of that wrestler. For example Hogan has a crucifix that appears and Honky Tonk man has a guitar that appears!

There isn't many options in terms of gameplay. You can basically either play one on one, fight a friend, or run through the 5 other wrestlers for the title. The atmosphere and venue of the match unfortunately never changes. You can beat the game in a matter of minutes, so longevity and replay value is limited. Given the time the game came out tho, I would have been happy with it if I was under the age of 10. The highlight of the game really comes from the sound. Each wrestler has a nice rendering of their theme song in the game, so you get a chance to jam out to "Pomp and Circumstance" or the "Real American" theme without a problem. The theme song to the game is also quite catchy. Where the game really fails is the level design and lack of depth. You basically wrestle inside of a giant black box the entire game, and if you beat the game with every wrestler, you are left with nothing to do. If you are like me and don't have many friends who actually like wrestling, you would be stuck playing 1 player most of the time.

WWF Wrestlemania for the NES is memorable mostly because of it's licensing and not because of the game itself. It's a fun collectible for wrestling fans, but there are far better NES wrestling games out there. In fact, "Pro Wrestling" for NES predated this game and it's much better. That game actually features tons of moves, but no licensed wrestlers. I wouldn't recommend this one unless you are looking for a quick 80's WWF nostalgia trip. Regardless, it's a decent way to celebrate Wrestlemania and kill some time before the event begins!

Nightcrawler (2014) Review

Written by Stu Cooper

The last film I had a chance to see in theaters was a little gem called "Nightcrawler" starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Rene Russo, Riz Ahmed, and Bill Paxton. The film was written and directed by Dan Gilroy. Gilroy had previously worked on Real Steel, The Fall, The Bourne franchise and many other pictures. The film made it's debut at the Toronto Film Festival earlier this year but premiered nationally on Halloween Day. The Halloween day release would prove appropriate for this crime thriller, but more on that later. The film just left my local theater but if you have a discount theater or Alamo Drafthouse theater you may still be able to catch it. The film proved to be a character departure for the clean cut Gyllenhaal. It would prove to be one of his most bizzare, and memorable roles.

"Nightcrawler" tells the story of a lonely psychopath who is looking for some direction in life. Louis Bloom, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, is a bizarre unhinged introvert who is desperately searching for a purpose. He steals fence chain and mugs people to get by, but he is clearly searching for something more. Something that could prove more profitable. After being rejected when trying to get a conventional job, it's not until witnessing a car accident that Bloom gets his idea. Bloom witnesses a car accident and as the police try to save the victim from the flaming vehicle, a cameraman looms over the accident. The man films the victim screaming and almost burning up, without a bit of remorse. This gets the of attention of Bloom who begins to question the man. He finds out the cameraman (played by Paxton) is what the journalism world refers to as a "Nightcrawler". He listens to police scanners and tries to arrive at incidents in time to film the gory outcomes. It's a rather despicable job by most peoples standards, but Bloom is intrigued.

After being inspired by the local crew, Bloom sets out to start his own "Nightcrawler" operation. He starts off stealing a bicycle and trading it in for a camera. He attempts to film some local accidents, but ultimately fails due to inexperience and poor equipment. It's not until Bloom captures a rather gruesome death that he gains momentum. He sells the gruesome footage to a local news producer, played by Rene Russo. Russo encourages him to bring in more footage like that to get more money. This leads Bloom down a dangerous path of a bizarre nature. Bloom progressively evolves into an even bigger psychopath who has a fancy for filming the dead. Like all psychopaths Bloom finds a way to be charismatic and uses that to get what he wants. Bloom hires a helper named Rick who he immediately exploits. Rick is down on his luck and basically homeless, so he is easily manipulated.

After continuing to film gruesome events, Bloom's stock begins to rise. Bloom upgrades his equipment and continues to up the ante. Bloom blurs the lines of morality and journalism with every thing he films. The news producer also continues to encourage him, despite knowing the sadistic nature of what she's paying for. There is another producer who objects to the whole thing, but he doesn't have any pull and immediately gets shut down. A massive real life commentary on how news and professional journalism works. It brings to light a dark side of the media that people don't like to think about.

With his increasing popularity Bloom turns into an egotistical monster. It's quite the sight to behold. There is some amazing monologues from Gyllanhaal. The interactions between Gyllenhaal and Russo are chilling. There is also a moment when Bloom stares at himself in the mirror and shatters it in frustration. Saying that his character is unhinged is the understatement of the year. As with most movie psychos, this makes for great cinema. It actually reminds me a lot of Robin Williams in "One Hour Photo", mixed with Christian Bale in "American Psycho".

I was pretty underwhelmed with Bill Paxton's role in the film but I was very impressed with Riz Ahmed. Bloom's assistant Rick was a pretty likable character, and you could see how someone in his situation could be manipulated by someone like Bloom. You can't help but root for the guy to get out of the situation before he is corrupted. Russo plays the heartless News Producer very well. There is some great stuff between her and Gyllanhaal, highlighted by a disturbing sexual situation that I won't spoil. Overall the cast works together smoothly, but it is definitely the Jake Gyllenhaal show!

The film says a lot about the current state of journalism, and that's the scariest thing about it. It's no shock to anyone who watches FoxNews,CNN,Access Hollywood, E! News, local news, etc. that sex and violence is what sells. In this case, it focuses on the violence. It's all about the saddest thing that happened that day. In some cases the news actually exploits death and unfortunate events. People get paid thousands of dollars to report and film this kind of thing. There is also something to be said for the growing popularity in the past decade of paparazzi. Whether it's the death of Princess Diana or the idea that someone like Kim Kardashian is famous enough that people flock to her while she is grocery shopping. The Bloom character sees all of this, and sees dollar signs. He is able to make a cold separation and rake in the dough. That is absolutely psychopathic, but totally realistic. I wouldn't be surprised if many journalists are equally as twisted. That's what makes this film particularly scary and effective.

The cinematography in the film is quite impressive. It displays the lonesome ambient tone of the film that fits Bloom's character. You also get a sense of that hip "DRIVE" feeling anytime Gyllanhaal is out driving at night. There is some great driving cam footage with some impressive car mount cameras. I remember noting to the person I went with that some of the car shots had to be very difficult to get. The camera view is a switch between first person POV to normal style, which can be a bit jarring. That style proves effective in the last act of the film when there is a gigantic car chase. It feels like a rollercoaster at some points.

Lastly I'd like to talk about Gyllenhaal's performance. Gyllenhaal brought a new kind of character to the table, at least for him. He often plays the hero or the protagonist, so it was cool to see him as a villain. Gyllenhaal also lost 30 pounds for this role, just to look extra creepy. Gyllanhaal also reportedly shadowed real life Night Crawlers in preparation for the role. He goes the extra mile to fulfill the role and it shows. He plays the perfect long gangly creeper. If anything I was left wanting to see MORE of this character and his story. The ending of the film is quite up in the air, and leaves you wanting more. I would suggest everybody check this one out, and see for yourself. "Nightcrawler" was a excellent film and I would highly recommend it.

31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 21: BEETLEJUICE

Written by Stu Cooper

We are breaking into the final 10 entries in Monster mania, and before we know it Halloween will be over. Let's all give one collective sigh right now. Have no fear tho, you are in good hands. Today I am talking about one of the most iconic horror films of all-time. This film came out of the mind of Tim Burton and into the hearts of pretty much every human being who has seen it. This film launched Michael Keaton into mainstream success and led to him playing Batman. Today's entry is all about the ghost with the most, "BEETLEJUICE"!

"Beetlejuice" came out in March 1988. The film was a critical and financial success across the board. The film had a 15 million dollar budget and made over 70 million in the box office. The film was Directed by Tim Burton and it absolutely shows. The music is also provided by Danny Elfman. With those two teaming up, you can't fail. "Beetlejuice" stars Michael Keaton as a bio-exorcist dead guy who tricks newly dead souls into requesting his help. He is somewhat like an evil genie. Adam (Alec Baldwin) and Barbara (Gina Davis) are two townspeople who recently died in an accident, and are still inhabiting their home. New residents move into the house and the couple decides to seek out the help of Beetlejuice (Keaton).

The couple of Adam and Barbara are what you would consider the modern middle class happy couple. They seem to live in a very small town where everyone knows your name, and they own some type of local store. They live in a absolutely beautiful home on top of this hill. The home is shaped very bizarrely, almost warped. Part of that Tim Burton style charm you will see throughout the film. The couple die when their car goes off a bridge. Not realizing they are dead the couple head back to their home and after a series of tests, they come to realize they are no longer alive. Upon realizing this Adam actually finds a book called "Guide to the Recently Deceased" which supposedly tells them all they need to know. The book is overly complicated and the couple gets very confused about where to go from there. They then meet their undead counselor, and she tells them NOT to contact Beetlejuice, and to scare the residents out of the house.

Adam and Barbara attempt to scare the new residents out of the house, but they quickly realize the people cannot actually see them. With one exception, the daughter. The incredibly dark depressed daughter is played by the classic Winona Ryder. She plays Lydia Deetz. She for whatever reason can actually see the ghosts, and later on she can see Beetlejuice. Her depressive dark side must be so powerful that it actually attracts the dead. That's quite bizarre, but you will have no issues rolling with it. Lydia immediately finds Adam and Barbara endearing and cooler than her actual parents. Lydia agrees to help the two ghosts find a way to scare off the new residents. After some failed attempts the couple gives in and calls upon Beetlejuice. What ensues after this point in the film is pure madness. Michael Keaton's opening monologues as Beetlejuice are some of the most unforgettable lines in movie history. I can't tell you how many times I've quoted some of the things Beetlejuice says. Beetlejuice immediately seems creepy and perverted, but hilarious. The couple seem to immediately regret calling him for help. They see him do some pretty gross stuff but they have no choice. They inform him of the current situation and he offers his help.

The new couple inhabiting the house is played by Catherine O'Hara and Jeffrey Jones, two memorable 80's comedy actors. They would be accompanied throughout the film by their fashion and poltergeist guru friend Otho played by Glenn Shadix. The three of them together absolutely personify greed and 80's yuppie lifestyle. You find them very easy to hate, and it's easy to root for Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice wrecks a dinner party via dance routine, chases them in the form of a snake, and even puts on a little horror show for them. While mostly petrified, the couple actually find a way to spin this into a chance to make money, and they propose building the town on the fact that there are ghosts everywhere.

After Lydia sees what happens and the couple fails at their attempts to scare off the new residents, all hope seems to be lost. At this point the yuppie couple begins shopping out the town to various potential investors, and at one point they have over several guests to perform a summoning of sorts. Otho reads the book for the recently deceased and decides to give this undead thing a shot. He performs a spell that causes Adam and Barbara to resurrect in physical form. Unfortunately for them it's zombie physical form and their bodies are decaying. The couple and Otho show they actually have a heart and immediately regret doing this, but it's too late, the spell can't be stopped. Lydia is forced to call upon Beetlejuice for help, on one condition. She must marry him. She quickly agrees to save her friends lives, and Beetlejuice returns to action. Beetlejuice quickly disposes of the guests, two of which I'm pretty sure he kills. He makes the awful art work of the mother come alive and take the couple hostage. At this point a wedding is being performed. Adam and Barbara appear to be going back to their normal selves but aren't able to stop Beetlejuice. It seems that Beetlejuice has won until Barbara storms into the room on a sandworm and essentially knocks Beetlejuice back into the dead world.

After the insane events that take place, the yuppie couple agrees to live in harmony with Adam and Barbara. Lydia adopts them as a second set of parents, and celebrates by communicating with the dead some more. It's a really bizarre film, but somehow it works. The film has an incredibly unique look and the acting is so spot on, you don't question it for a second. Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice is one of the best film performances in history. You don't think about it being him at all, and the lines are so good you believe in him. The little nods or dances that Keaton does while in character are even good. The dance Beetlejuice does into the zombie brothel is one of my favorite parts. It's truly a classic film full of great one liners, insane dream like sets, and a unique concept. The film also had great make-up effects, so much so that it actually won the film an Academy Award for Best Make-up! Also a side note to indicate how lovable this film is, the actor who played Otho sadly passed away in 2010, but at his funeral he actually requested that they play "Day-O" from his famous Beetlejuice scene. Talk about one last tribute! That had to be a moving experience.

The film would see so much success that it would even spawn a cartoon and several toy lines. There was also a video game for the NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) but it was horrible, so I wouldn't recommend it. The cartoon was a bit different than the film and the character's perverted side was obviously toned down. Beetlejuice actually uses curse words at one point in the film, so i'm surprised the reception for the cartoon was so positive. Different times, different rules I guess!

Overall the film itself is an absolute gem in every way possible. You have one of those mysterious winning combinations that really stands the test of time. I've watched this movie countless times and I always laugh. The attention to detail in the film is great, especially in the waiting room scenes. You get to see all sorts of people who died of different things, stuck in their form of death. You have a guy smoking cigarettes who is all burnt up, you have a guy who works in the file room because he is flat as paper, and you have the couples legal council who has a slit throat where smoke comes out when she inhales. It's all so brilliant and fun. It really makes you think of this whole universe of the undead where everything is goofy. I can't recommend this film enough, it's a Halloween home run!

31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 20: Constantine

Written by Stu Cooper

It's time to hit the road and get on the highway to hell with NBC's "Constantine"! The new series made it's debut this past Friday and it was just in time for the Halloween season. The series is separate from the film and comic series, opting to create it's own universe. The pilot episode was directed by Neil Marshall and written by Daniel Cerone & David S. Goyer. The title of the first episode was "Non Est Asylum". Matt Ryan stars as "John Constantine" an exorcist and ghost whisperer of sorts. He is followed by an angel named Manny played by Harold Perrineau.

The first episode revolves around Constantine dealing with the aftermath of a botched exorcism. During the exorcism a young girl was taken by a demon, and Constantine could not save her. He has never forgiven himself, and is apparently doomed to go to hell. He decides to use his remaining time on earth to battle demons and exorcise them from the earth. Manny the Angel plays a helper who likes to rudely remind him of his doomed fate.

The show opens with Constantine admitting himself to an asylum. He is drugged up and goes through therapy, trying to purge himself of his illness and sadness. He seems to consider his life a burden instead of the typical super hero approach. He is definitely a reluctant super hero. He is freed from the asylum after encountering a demon. At this point the show introduces his cab driver Chas who proves to be a special individual later in the show.

Constantine later meets the daughter of his old friend Jasper. Jasper has passed away but left a medallion with magical powers. Constantine gives the medallion to Jasper's daughter Liv. At first Liv struggles to believe all of this mystical stuff and writes John off as crazy. Soon Liv sees first hand the power of the demons around her and she has no choice but to believe. This leads to a team-up between Liv and Constantine. Throughout the episode we see Constantine teach Liv different terms and ideas in the demon world. He shows her how to detect demon activity, essentially helping her fight it. He also shares with her the story of Astra, the girl he lost to the Devil. Astra becomes a regular character in the thoughts of John.

A big staple of the Constantine prior to the series was the cigarette smoking, but you will notice right off the bat that this incarnation does not feature that. I suppose it was NBC's conscious decision to be overly sensitive and politically correct. The problem is, the smoking is important. In the film Constantine gets lung cancer and that's how he meets his fate, and I believe something similar happens in the comics. It will be interesting to see how they fill that void in the character. Overall tho I was pleased with the portrayal of the character. He has a bit of a "Doctor Who" element to him which may turn some off. I actually told my friend that he looks like a evil Gordon Ramsey. Only time will tell whether his character is good or not. Not a bad start. The effects are also well done, and when you see John finally use his power it's a really cool sight to see.

Overall the quality of the show was quite impressive and goes well with something like "Grimm". It's fairly light on the violence and may seem tame compared to the comic and the previous film. It's more of a CW kind of show. I would be surprised if this show ended up being edgey. Only time will tell and I'll stick around to find out. The characters are interesting and who doesn't want to see a man fight demons? It's not too late to jump into the series. It's on Friday nights on NBC so check it out, just in time for the Halloween season!

Monster Mania Day 19: Bordello of Blood

Written by Stu Cooper

Day 19 in the Monster Mania review-a-thon is once again about "Tales From The Crypt"! The series returned to the cinema again in "Bordello of Blood". The film was the second in a planned trilogy. Unfortunately due to poor box office reception the third film was straight to dvd and had little to do with the universe. "Bordello of Blood" was heavy on the comedy and was not nearly as scary as "Demon Knight". I think that was the cause for the poor box office numbers and the bad reviews. I myself find this film quite enjoyable and a solid entry in the Cryptkeeper's book of tales. Let's dive into this film and talk about why it's worthy of Monster Mania!

"Bordello of Blood" starred Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart, Corey Feldman and Erika Eleniak. The film was released in August 1996 and made about 5.5 million total gross in theaters. The film was once again independent from the comics, but still an entry into the cryptkeeper's universe. The story was written by Bob Gale with some contribution by series creator William Gaines.

"Bordello of Blood" is a vampire movie at it's core. The film tells the story of an ancient vampire prostitute by the name of Lilith. This "Lilith" is a reference to the mother of all vampires. A scumbag version of Indiana Jones known as Vincent travels to the jungle with his associates in search of Lilith. Once he finds her tomb, he takes a key full of blood (the same one from Demon Knight) and pours it on Lilith's dead skeleton. This causes the skeleton to regenerate, and it attacks all of the migrant workers that got conned into helping Vincent. After she eats a few guys she regenerates her entire figure, which happens to be an extremely hot red headed woman. Vincent uses the key to keep her under control. She is deathly afraid of the key. This sticks with the demon theme established in "Demon Knight".

We are then introduced to Catherine and Caleb Verdoux, two local residents who are brother and sister. Caleb is a rebellious punk rocker type played by Corey Feldman. Caleb heads out to the local hole in the wall bar with some of his friends. While getting drunk and acting like total morons, the group is confronted by a skiddish biker who tells them there is a local brothel that the boys should checkout. Caleb and one other friend are the only ones interested in going. The two of them head out to the brothel, and it turns out the location is a funeral parlor. The boys knock on the door and are welcomed in by a igor-esque mortician. The mortician is a servant of Lilith's who lures them into the brothel. The boys are confronted with an army of beautiful lustful women and they see many other local gentlemen engaging the women. The two of them break off with women of their choosing only to be confronted by Lilith. Lilith then exposes her true intentions when she begins eating the boys alive! She LITERALLY eats one of their hearts out. It's quite a disturbing visual moment. For whatever reason she decides to keep Caleb alive, and he becomes a vampire minion of hers. I have to admit the brothel cover is quite clever and would totally work. Men get stupid when surrounded by beautiful women, and there are a lot of horny men out there. That's a lot of meals.

After her brother goes missing Catherine decides to approach the police. The police don't offer her much help so she enlists the aid of a goofy private detective named Rafe Guttman. Rafe is incredibly sarcastic, witty, and curious about the unknown. He offers to help Catherine track down her brother and that's where the real story begins. Rafe follows a trail of bread crumbs around the town which leads him to the brothel.

Meanwhile Catherine goes to work at a church. This is where we meet Reverend Current. Current is a corrupt self righteous televangelist and Catherine is his assistant. He cuts really cheesy sermons and often performs music while having giant lasers shot out around him. He is about as hammy as it gets. The thing that makes Current so great is the casting. He is played by horror icon Chris Sarandon who played Jerry Dandridge in the original "Fright Night". You find yourself rooting for his character despite him being a horrible human being. As the film progresses we find out that Reverend Current is so corrupt that he is even involved in Lilith and Vincent's plan. The Reverend craves more exposure, which is exactly what he would get if he confronted and dealt with the world's first vampire.

Rafe invades the brothel and barely escapes with his life. He goes to warn Catherine and the two of them team up. Meanwhile Lilith manipulates Vincent into destroying the key, which now makes Lilith immortal. Rafe and Catherine are eventually confronted by the vampire version of Caleb. He attacks Rafe and Catherine, and captures Catherine.

Rafe is caught by the police and locked up. Shortly after Reverend Current helps out Rafe and seeks forgiveness for being selfish. He vows to help Rafe defeat the vampires and repents for his wrongdoings. The two of them fill up squirt guns with holy water and lead an assault on the brothel. What happens beyond that point is an absolute bloodbath set to "Ballroom Blitz". It's a really fun scene in a fun film. After battling the army of vampire prostitutes Rafe and Current are confronted by Lilith. I don't want to spoil of the ending of the film, it is a gory bloodbath with a sprinkle of fun.

"Bordello of Blood" is the epitome of cheesy horror. The film is incredibly goofy and gory. You get to see some pretty twisted stuff that exists in a rather silly universe. Dennis Miller delivers most of his lines as if it's stand up, but you don't really care because he is battling hot vampires and Corey Feldman. Let's also not forget that Feldman played The Frog Brother in "The Lost Boys" so there is a bit of irony in his role. Angie Everhart as Lilith is truly unforgettable. She has no acting experience, and she doesn't need much, but what lines she does have are delivered well. She oozes sex appeal and is incredibly intimidating. You really get the vibe that she is a mature woman who has seen and done a lot of things. Most red blooded males would fall for her tricks, so that makes her a pretty scary villain in my eyes. The scares themselves are few and far between. The scare factor is mostly gore related. "Demon Knight" had a very dark subplot and a dark vibe, where as "Bordello of Blood" is almost like a Simpson's Treehouse of Horror tale. The tone of the film is borderline slapstick. Despite it's change in tone, I loved the movie. I'm actually sad that it performed badly because a third entry in theaters would have been nice. If you're a fan of "Tales from The Crypt" and horror comedies, this would be a great choice.

31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 18: Demon Knight

Written by Stu Cooper

It's time to meet up with one of my favorite characters in horror history, The Cryptkeeper! Last year I talked about some of my favorite "Tales From The Crypt" episodes but this year I'm going to address some of the feature films that the series created. The first "Tales From The Crypt" feature was known as "Demon Knight". The script was originally written almost 2 years before the show had even started, but it had been bounced around by multiple directors, never truly finding a home until Joel Silver got it. The film was initially supposed to be part of a Three-Part trilogy, but the other scripts weren't strong enough. "Demon Knight" was the only one out of the original 3 to get made. The other two proposed were called "Body Count" and "Dead Easy". Those two never made it to production and instead they made "Bordello of Blood" and "Ritual" as the follow-ups. The film was directed by Ernest Dickerson and released in January 1995, though the original intention was to release the film Halloween of 1994. The film stars William Sadler, Billy Zane, and Jada Pinkett Smith. The film also co-stars horror familiar Dick Miller, and Thomas Hayden Church.

"Demon Knight" tells the story of a man on the run from a demon. The demon wants an item that the man has in his possession, and he will do anything to obtain it. The film starts off with "The Collector" played by Billy Zane chasing a man named Brayker (Sadler). The two are involved in a high speed chase on the freeway which leads to a massive car crash. Brayker barely escapes with his life, while "The Collector" walks away with ease. Brayker goes to the nearest building he can find which happens to be a old crusty hotel full of colorful low-life individuals. The apprehensive hotel staff let Brayker stay there. This is when we are introduced to Jeryline (Pinkett) who is the rude degraded assistant at the hotel. She is apparently stuck there having to scrub the floors and clean up the beds (even after the prostitute is done with them). The film focuses heavily on Brayker, but also on the Jeryline character. Brayker joins some of the locals for dinner and that is when the hotel staff begin to suspect something is up with the guy. Soon after "The Collector" gathers the help of the police and tells them Brayker stole a very expensive item from him, and he aims to get it back.

After being introduced to a cast of misfits such as the disgruntled Postman (Charles Fleischer), the local prostitute (Brenda Bakke), the hotel Manager Irene (CCH Pounder) and many more, we get a true sense of the tone of this film. It's very slapstick in it's nature, but balances the slapstick with brutality. We get to know each of the guests in the hotel in some way or another. The postman goes on depressive rants, the prostitute shows she wants love but can't find it, Jeryline shows she wants an adventurous life. They each have some type of wish or hope.

When "The Collector" arrives at the hotel in search of Brayker, he uses the hopes and dreams of each individual against them. The Collector disposes of the police once he locates Brayker and the story escalates rather quickly from that point on. He makes it clear to the inhabitants of the hotel that Brayker possesses some type of antique key that he needs, and he is willing to grant any desire to obtain it. We find out through a series of conversations between Brayker and the hotel people that he is a chosen guardian. He is the guardian of the key. The key he is guarding actually contains the blood of Christ. It doesn't get anymore serious than that. I'd like to see somebody bring that thing into the Pawn Stars shop! The key seems to contain a semi-infinite amount of blood as long as it's in a guardian's hands. The blood can be used to created locked gates on property. If you put the blood on a doorway, it essentially blocks that doorway from allowing any demons inside. Brayker uses this to protect himself and the hotel people from The Collector.

The Collector quickly grows frustrated with the situation and decides to create an army of demons to patrol the hotel and take control of the key. The movie then turns into a zombie survival type situation where everyone is stuck inside the hotel, fighting for their lives against these bizarre demons. The demons themselves look a bit like the crypt keeper, which makes you wonder if they are somehow related to him. That unfortunately is never elaborated on. To provide some levity in the movie, The Collector is actually quite the goofball. Billy Zane plays the part perfectly. He balances a sense of demonic evil with a goofy comedian like persona. He often dances around and makes jokes, while threatening the lives of the humans. He also possesses the power to cause hallucinations, which can lead to possessing or manipulating humans into doing his bidding. He can make the humans see their deepest darkest desires, and he offers them a chance to grant that wish. Of course like any Faust or Devil character, he is full of shit. Any human that falls for his manipulation is doomed. It's up to those with strong will power to defeat The Collector.

Through out the film we are given some background on Brayker and the key that he has in his possession. We find out that this key contains the blood of christ from his actual crucifixion and the demons were actually present for that moment. The war for good and evil has been waged ever since. If the demons get a hold of the key, they will win the war and essentially conquer humanity. Brayker is one of many in a long line of guardians that have existed since the time of Jesus. He is actually ready to pass on the key to a new guardian, which is where Jada Pinkett comes in. I'm not a huge fan of her, so the fact that she is the next guardian in line didn't do much for me. Her acting is pretty bland, and her character is really obnoxious. You will find yourself wondering what makes her special enough to carry such a heavy burden.

I don't want to spoil the end result for you, but I will say the film is full of action and classic Faust story telling. It's one part zombie movie and one part "Bedazzled". The supporting characters also provide a lot of fun dialogue, and most of them are good actors. Thomas Hayden Church is always good in whatever he does, and Brenda Bakke is incredibly sexy in her role. William Sadler does a good job playing the role of Brayken and at this point he was actually a "Tales From The Crypt" veteran. He had appeared in a couple episodes, and even appears as The Crypt Keeper's mummified friend in "Bordello of Blood". Sadler is a quality actor and it shows. Billy Zane is the perfect counter for Sadler's serious attitude.

Overall "Demon Knight" is a fun and entertaining horror movie. I find myself watching the film often, and I never get sick of it. It has a great cast, an interesting story, and a truly kick ass soundtrack. I'd actually recommend picking up the soundtrack by itself. It features a lot of good rap and even some Henry Rollins. Out of the three "Tales from the Crypt" films that were released, this one is by far the best. If you want a spooky story with a little bit of humor, this is an excellent choice.