31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 20: Constantine

Written by Stu Cooper

It's time to hit the road and get on the highway to hell with NBC's "Constantine"! The new series made it's debut this past Friday and it was just in time for the Halloween season. The series is separate from the film and comic series, opting to create it's own universe. The pilot episode was directed by Neil Marshall and written by Daniel Cerone & David S. Goyer. The title of the first episode was "Non Est Asylum". Matt Ryan stars as "John Constantine" an exorcist and ghost whisperer of sorts. He is followed by an angel named Manny played by Harold Perrineau.

The first episode revolves around Constantine dealing with the aftermath of a botched exorcism. During the exorcism a young girl was taken by a demon, and Constantine could not save her. He has never forgiven himself, and is apparently doomed to go to hell. He decides to use his remaining time on earth to battle demons and exorcise them from the earth. Manny the Angel plays a helper who likes to rudely remind him of his doomed fate.

The show opens with Constantine admitting himself to an asylum. He is drugged up and goes through therapy, trying to purge himself of his illness and sadness. He seems to consider his life a burden instead of the typical super hero approach. He is definitely a reluctant super hero. He is freed from the asylum after encountering a demon. At this point the show introduces his cab driver Chas who proves to be a special individual later in the show.

Constantine later meets the daughter of his old friend Jasper. Jasper has passed away but left a medallion with magical powers. Constantine gives the medallion to Jasper's daughter Liv. At first Liv struggles to believe all of this mystical stuff and writes John off as crazy. Soon Liv sees first hand the power of the demons around her and she has no choice but to believe. This leads to a team-up between Liv and Constantine. Throughout the episode we see Constantine teach Liv different terms and ideas in the demon world. He shows her how to detect demon activity, essentially helping her fight it. He also shares with her the story of Astra, the girl he lost to the Devil. Astra becomes a regular character in the thoughts of John.

A big staple of the Constantine prior to the series was the cigarette smoking, but you will notice right off the bat that this incarnation does not feature that. I suppose it was NBC's conscious decision to be overly sensitive and politically correct. The problem is, the smoking is important. In the film Constantine gets lung cancer and that's how he meets his fate, and I believe something similar happens in the comics. It will be interesting to see how they fill that void in the character. Overall tho I was pleased with the portrayal of the character. He has a bit of a "Doctor Who" element to him which may turn some off. I actually told my friend that he looks like a evil Gordon Ramsey. Only time will tell whether his character is good or not. Not a bad start. The effects are also well done, and when you see John finally use his power it's a really cool sight to see.

Overall the quality of the show was quite impressive and goes well with something like "Grimm". It's fairly light on the violence and may seem tame compared to the comic and the previous film. It's more of a CW kind of show. I would be surprised if this show ended up being edgey. Only time will tell and I'll stick around to find out. The characters are interesting and who doesn't want to see a man fight demons? It's not too late to jump into the series. It's on Friday nights on NBC so check it out, just in time for the Halloween season!

Monster Mania Day 19: Bordello of Blood

Written by Stu Cooper

Day 19 in the Monster Mania review-a-thon is once again about "Tales From The Crypt"! The series returned to the cinema again in "Bordello of Blood". The film was the second in a planned trilogy. Unfortunately due to poor box office reception the third film was straight to dvd and had little to do with the universe. "Bordello of Blood" was heavy on the comedy and was not nearly as scary as "Demon Knight". I think that was the cause for the poor box office numbers and the bad reviews. I myself find this film quite enjoyable and a solid entry in the Cryptkeeper's book of tales. Let's dive into this film and talk about why it's worthy of Monster Mania!

"Bordello of Blood" starred Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart, Corey Feldman and Erika Eleniak. The film was released in August 1996 and made about 5.5 million total gross in theaters. The film was once again independent from the comics, but still an entry into the cryptkeeper's universe. The story was written by Bob Gale with some contribution by series creator William Gaines.

"Bordello of Blood" is a vampire movie at it's core. The film tells the story of an ancient vampire prostitute by the name of Lilith. This "Lilith" is a reference to the mother of all vampires. A scumbag version of Indiana Jones known as Vincent travels to the jungle with his associates in search of Lilith. Once he finds her tomb, he takes a key full of blood (the same one from Demon Knight) and pours it on Lilith's dead skeleton. This causes the skeleton to regenerate, and it attacks all of the migrant workers that got conned into helping Vincent. After she eats a few guys she regenerates her entire figure, which happens to be an extremely hot red headed woman. Vincent uses the key to keep her under control. She is deathly afraid of the key. This sticks with the demon theme established in "Demon Knight".

We are then introduced to Catherine and Caleb Verdoux, two local residents who are brother and sister. Caleb is a rebellious punk rocker type played by Corey Feldman. Caleb heads out to the local hole in the wall bar with some of his friends. While getting drunk and acting like total morons, the group is confronted by a skiddish biker who tells them there is a local brothel that the boys should checkout. Caleb and one other friend are the only ones interested in going. The two of them head out to the brothel, and it turns out the location is a funeral parlor. The boys knock on the door and are welcomed in by a igor-esque mortician. The mortician is a servant of Lilith's who lures them into the brothel. The boys are confronted with an army of beautiful lustful women and they see many other local gentlemen engaging the women. The two of them break off with women of their choosing only to be confronted by Lilith. Lilith then exposes her true intentions when she begins eating the boys alive! She LITERALLY eats one of their hearts out. It's quite a disturbing visual moment. For whatever reason she decides to keep Caleb alive, and he becomes a vampire minion of hers. I have to admit the brothel cover is quite clever and would totally work. Men get stupid when surrounded by beautiful women, and there are a lot of horny men out there. That's a lot of meals.

After her brother goes missing Catherine decides to approach the police. The police don't offer her much help so she enlists the aid of a goofy private detective named Rafe Guttman. Rafe is incredibly sarcastic, witty, and curious about the unknown. He offers to help Catherine track down her brother and that's where the real story begins. Rafe follows a trail of bread crumbs around the town which leads him to the brothel.

Meanwhile Catherine goes to work at a church. This is where we meet Reverend Current. Current is a corrupt self righteous televangelist and Catherine is his assistant. He cuts really cheesy sermons and often performs music while having giant lasers shot out around him. He is about as hammy as it gets. The thing that makes Current so great is the casting. He is played by horror icon Chris Sarandon who played Jerry Dandridge in the original "Fright Night". You find yourself rooting for his character despite him being a horrible human being. As the film progresses we find out that Reverend Current is so corrupt that he is even involved in Lilith and Vincent's plan. The Reverend craves more exposure, which is exactly what he would get if he confronted and dealt with the world's first vampire.

Rafe invades the brothel and barely escapes with his life. He goes to warn Catherine and the two of them team up. Meanwhile Lilith manipulates Vincent into destroying the key, which now makes Lilith immortal. Rafe and Catherine are eventually confronted by the vampire version of Caleb. He attacks Rafe and Catherine, and captures Catherine.

Rafe is caught by the police and locked up. Shortly after Reverend Current helps out Rafe and seeks forgiveness for being selfish. He vows to help Rafe defeat the vampires and repents for his wrongdoings. The two of them fill up squirt guns with holy water and lead an assault on the brothel. What happens beyond that point is an absolute bloodbath set to "Ballroom Blitz". It's a really fun scene in a fun film. After battling the army of vampire prostitutes Rafe and Current are confronted by Lilith. I don't want to spoil of the ending of the film, it is a gory bloodbath with a sprinkle of fun.

"Bordello of Blood" is the epitome of cheesy horror. The film is incredibly goofy and gory. You get to see some pretty twisted stuff that exists in a rather silly universe. Dennis Miller delivers most of his lines as if it's stand up, but you don't really care because he is battling hot vampires and Corey Feldman. Let's also not forget that Feldman played The Frog Brother in "The Lost Boys" so there is a bit of irony in his role. Angie Everhart as Lilith is truly unforgettable. She has no acting experience, and she doesn't need much, but what lines she does have are delivered well. She oozes sex appeal and is incredibly intimidating. You really get the vibe that she is a mature woman who has seen and done a lot of things. Most red blooded males would fall for her tricks, so that makes her a pretty scary villain in my eyes. The scares themselves are few and far between. The scare factor is mostly gore related. "Demon Knight" had a very dark subplot and a dark vibe, where as "Bordello of Blood" is almost like a Simpson's Treehouse of Horror tale. The tone of the film is borderline slapstick. Despite it's change in tone, I loved the movie. I'm actually sad that it performed badly because a third entry in theaters would have been nice. If you're a fan of "Tales from The Crypt" and horror comedies, this would be a great choice.