31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 20: Constantine

Written by Stu Cooper

It's time to hit the road and get on the highway to hell with NBC's "Constantine"! The new series made it's debut this past Friday and it was just in time for the Halloween season. The series is separate from the film and comic series, opting to create it's own universe. The pilot episode was directed by Neil Marshall and written by Daniel Cerone & David S. Goyer. The title of the first episode was "Non Est Asylum". Matt Ryan stars as "John Constantine" an exorcist and ghost whisperer of sorts. He is followed by an angel named Manny played by Harold Perrineau.

The first episode revolves around Constantine dealing with the aftermath of a botched exorcism. During the exorcism a young girl was taken by a demon, and Constantine could not save her. He has never forgiven himself, and is apparently doomed to go to hell. He decides to use his remaining time on earth to battle demons and exorcise them from the earth. Manny the Angel plays a helper who likes to rudely remind him of his doomed fate.

The show opens with Constantine admitting himself to an asylum. He is drugged up and goes through therapy, trying to purge himself of his illness and sadness. He seems to consider his life a burden instead of the typical super hero approach. He is definitely a reluctant super hero. He is freed from the asylum after encountering a demon. At this point the show introduces his cab driver Chas who proves to be a special individual later in the show.

Constantine later meets the daughter of his old friend Jasper. Jasper has passed away but left a medallion with magical powers. Constantine gives the medallion to Jasper's daughter Liv. At first Liv struggles to believe all of this mystical stuff and writes John off as crazy. Soon Liv sees first hand the power of the demons around her and she has no choice but to believe. This leads to a team-up between Liv and Constantine. Throughout the episode we see Constantine teach Liv different terms and ideas in the demon world. He shows her how to detect demon activity, essentially helping her fight it. He also shares with her the story of Astra, the girl he lost to the Devil. Astra becomes a regular character in the thoughts of John.

A big staple of the Constantine prior to the series was the cigarette smoking, but you will notice right off the bat that this incarnation does not feature that. I suppose it was NBC's conscious decision to be overly sensitive and politically correct. The problem is, the smoking is important. In the film Constantine gets lung cancer and that's how he meets his fate, and I believe something similar happens in the comics. It will be interesting to see how they fill that void in the character. Overall tho I was pleased with the portrayal of the character. He has a bit of a "Doctor Who" element to him which may turn some off. I actually told my friend that he looks like a evil Gordon Ramsey. Only time will tell whether his character is good or not. Not a bad start. The effects are also well done, and when you see John finally use his power it's a really cool sight to see.

Overall the quality of the show was quite impressive and goes well with something like "Grimm". It's fairly light on the violence and may seem tame compared to the comic and the previous film. It's more of a CW kind of show. I would be surprised if this show ended up being edgey. Only time will tell and I'll stick around to find out. The characters are interesting and who doesn't want to see a man fight demons? It's not too late to jump into the series. It's on Friday nights on NBC so check it out, just in time for the Halloween season!

Monster Mania Day 19: Bordello of Blood

Written by Stu Cooper

Day 19 in the Monster Mania review-a-thon is once again about "Tales From The Crypt"! The series returned to the cinema again in "Bordello of Blood". The film was the second in a planned trilogy. Unfortunately due to poor box office reception the third film was straight to dvd and had little to do with the universe. "Bordello of Blood" was heavy on the comedy and was not nearly as scary as "Demon Knight". I think that was the cause for the poor box office numbers and the bad reviews. I myself find this film quite enjoyable and a solid entry in the Cryptkeeper's book of tales. Let's dive into this film and talk about why it's worthy of Monster Mania!

"Bordello of Blood" starred Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart, Corey Feldman and Erika Eleniak. The film was released in August 1996 and made about 5.5 million total gross in theaters. The film was once again independent from the comics, but still an entry into the cryptkeeper's universe. The story was written by Bob Gale with some contribution by series creator William Gaines.

"Bordello of Blood" is a vampire movie at it's core. The film tells the story of an ancient vampire prostitute by the name of Lilith. This "Lilith" is a reference to the mother of all vampires. A scumbag version of Indiana Jones known as Vincent travels to the jungle with his associates in search of Lilith. Once he finds her tomb, he takes a key full of blood (the same one from Demon Knight) and pours it on Lilith's dead skeleton. This causes the skeleton to regenerate, and it attacks all of the migrant workers that got conned into helping Vincent. After she eats a few guys she regenerates her entire figure, which happens to be an extremely hot red headed woman. Vincent uses the key to keep her under control. She is deathly afraid of the key. This sticks with the demon theme established in "Demon Knight".

We are then introduced to Catherine and Caleb Verdoux, two local residents who are brother and sister. Caleb is a rebellious punk rocker type played by Corey Feldman. Caleb heads out to the local hole in the wall bar with some of his friends. While getting drunk and acting like total morons, the group is confronted by a skiddish biker who tells them there is a local brothel that the boys should checkout. Caleb and one other friend are the only ones interested in going. The two of them head out to the brothel, and it turns out the location is a funeral parlor. The boys knock on the door and are welcomed in by a igor-esque mortician. The mortician is a servant of Lilith's who lures them into the brothel. The boys are confronted with an army of beautiful lustful women and they see many other local gentlemen engaging the women. The two of them break off with women of their choosing only to be confronted by Lilith. Lilith then exposes her true intentions when she begins eating the boys alive! She LITERALLY eats one of their hearts out. It's quite a disturbing visual moment. For whatever reason she decides to keep Caleb alive, and he becomes a vampire minion of hers. I have to admit the brothel cover is quite clever and would totally work. Men get stupid when surrounded by beautiful women, and there are a lot of horny men out there. That's a lot of meals.

After her brother goes missing Catherine decides to approach the police. The police don't offer her much help so she enlists the aid of a goofy private detective named Rafe Guttman. Rafe is incredibly sarcastic, witty, and curious about the unknown. He offers to help Catherine track down her brother and that's where the real story begins. Rafe follows a trail of bread crumbs around the town which leads him to the brothel.

Meanwhile Catherine goes to work at a church. This is where we meet Reverend Current. Current is a corrupt self righteous televangelist and Catherine is his assistant. He cuts really cheesy sermons and often performs music while having giant lasers shot out around him. He is about as hammy as it gets. The thing that makes Current so great is the casting. He is played by horror icon Chris Sarandon who played Jerry Dandridge in the original "Fright Night". You find yourself rooting for his character despite him being a horrible human being. As the film progresses we find out that Reverend Current is so corrupt that he is even involved in Lilith and Vincent's plan. The Reverend craves more exposure, which is exactly what he would get if he confronted and dealt with the world's first vampire.

Rafe invades the brothel and barely escapes with his life. He goes to warn Catherine and the two of them team up. Meanwhile Lilith manipulates Vincent into destroying the key, which now makes Lilith immortal. Rafe and Catherine are eventually confronted by the vampire version of Caleb. He attacks Rafe and Catherine, and captures Catherine.

Rafe is caught by the police and locked up. Shortly after Reverend Current helps out Rafe and seeks forgiveness for being selfish. He vows to help Rafe defeat the vampires and repents for his wrongdoings. The two of them fill up squirt guns with holy water and lead an assault on the brothel. What happens beyond that point is an absolute bloodbath set to "Ballroom Blitz". It's a really fun scene in a fun film. After battling the army of vampire prostitutes Rafe and Current are confronted by Lilith. I don't want to spoil of the ending of the film, it is a gory bloodbath with a sprinkle of fun.

"Bordello of Blood" is the epitome of cheesy horror. The film is incredibly goofy and gory. You get to see some pretty twisted stuff that exists in a rather silly universe. Dennis Miller delivers most of his lines as if it's stand up, but you don't really care because he is battling hot vampires and Corey Feldman. Let's also not forget that Feldman played The Frog Brother in "The Lost Boys" so there is a bit of irony in his role. Angie Everhart as Lilith is truly unforgettable. She has no acting experience, and she doesn't need much, but what lines she does have are delivered well. She oozes sex appeal and is incredibly intimidating. You really get the vibe that she is a mature woman who has seen and done a lot of things. Most red blooded males would fall for her tricks, so that makes her a pretty scary villain in my eyes. The scares themselves are few and far between. The scare factor is mostly gore related. "Demon Knight" had a very dark subplot and a dark vibe, where as "Bordello of Blood" is almost like a Simpson's Treehouse of Horror tale. The tone of the film is borderline slapstick. Despite it's change in tone, I loved the movie. I'm actually sad that it performed badly because a third entry in theaters would have been nice. If you're a fan of "Tales from The Crypt" and horror comedies, this would be a great choice.

31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 17: Star Trek Enterprise "Impulse"

Written by Stu Cooper

It's time for yet another entry in the Monster Mania countdown! Today I'm going back to the vast Trekverse to discuss another creepy Halloween themed Star Trek episode. The episode I will be discussing isn't exactly Halloween themed, but it's the closest thing we will ever get to a live action "Night of the Living Trekkies". For today's entry I'm discussing the Star Trek Enterprise episode "Impulse" which is essentially about Vulcan zombies!

For those who aren't familiar with Star Trek: Enterprise it's the last Star Trek series to air on television, but timeline wise it's the first. It's a prequel to all the other series, so this is before Picard, and before Kirk. It's essentially about the first group of Starfleet people to explore space. This makes for a pretty interesting series that people seem to either love or hate. The look and feel of the show is far different from it's predecessors. Since it's a prequel a lot of the technology and costumes look different than what we are used to. That rubs some people the wrong way, but I'm pretty neutral about that factor as long as the storytelling is good. The captain of the Enterprise in this incarnation is Scott Bakula who plays Captain Archer. Some of the other crew members include the insanely beautiful Vulcan T'Pol (Jolene Blalock), Engineer Trip Tucker (Connor Trineer), Dr.Phlox (John Billingsly), Hoshi Sato (Linda Park), Malcolm Reed (Dominic Keating), and the always smiley Mayweather (Anthony Montgomery). The crew experiences all sorts of first time adventures while in space, but one they couldn't have possibly predicted is an encounter with zombie Vulcans!

The episode starts with Captain Archer looking battle damaged and he is hauling an irrational acting T'pol into sickbay. There is something seriously wrong with T'pol. She's acting like she is losing her Vulcan mind! Cue Rod Stewart theme tune. Flashback to one day earlier. The crew of the Enterprise receives a distress signal from a Vulcan ship called The Seleya (beautiful name) which was a ship lost in the expanse over 9 months ago. The crew follow the distress signal which leads to an asteroid field full of a rare mineral called trellium. Trip seems to think the Vulcan ship went out into the asteroid field to collect this mineral and something happened. Archer wants to investigate but realizes the Enterprise is too big to navigate through the asteroid field. Archer decides to take the shuttlepod over to the Seleya, he is joined by T'pol and Reed. T'pol reveals that she actually served on the Seleya for over a year as a science officer before joining the Enterprise. She had already left the ship by the time they had gotten stuck in the expanse. The Seleya appeared to become a victim to a "subspace eddy", never to be heard from again. Any ships sent to retrieve them were never heard from again either.

The shuttlepod makes it to the Vulcan ship, and Hawkins joins the crew as well. Reed, Archer, T'pol, and Hawkins all board the Seleya. T'pol and Archer are investigating some odd biosign readings. After Reed finds trellium and Vulcan blood covering some of the bulkheads. This is obviously not a good sign. Soon after this Archer and T'pol are confronted by a Vulcan who appears crazed. He charges at them with a weapon and takes several phaser shots to dispose of. The Vulcan also appears to have warped skin, as if he has some kind of virus. The crew continues to be attacked by Vulcans throughout the ship, all with the same crazed virus. The Vulcans seem to have lost all sense of reality and logic, bent on killing the crew. The crew uses the stun setting and continues to take out every Vulcan they see. Reed decides to set his phaser to kill, which causes a dispute between him and T'pol. T'pol believes he has no issues killing her people, despite the fact that they could be saved. Archer agrees and orders the crew to continue stunning the Vulcan zombies instead of killing them. The crew realizes that there are 147 Vulcans on board, and they are going to have a serious fight on their hands.

After battling through several decks, T'pol begins showing signs of the same Vulcan virus the crew of the Seleya have. It becomes Archer's priority to get her help before it's too late. Meanwhile Tucker and Mayweather are using another shuttlepod to mine trellium from a nearby asteroid, which isn't going so well for them. Archer and the crew eventually reach the sickbay of the Seleya where they run into a Vulcan that T'pol knows. The Chief Engineer of the ship, but unfortunately he gives into the madness and is unable to give them any answers. T'pol begins getting irrational and angry, and Archer knows her time is running out. The crew decide to continue battling their way through the Seleya, fighting off Vulcan zombies one by one.

Meanwhile back on the Enterprise Trip and Mayweather are able to gather the materials they needed from the asteroid, but as a result of their messing around a giant asteroid is now heading directly for the ship. Two asteroids collide in front of the ship and cause a serious delay in any kind of rescue. It's up to Archer and his crew members on the Seleya to save themselves. As they continue battling the zombies, T'pol begins to turn crazy. She starts making lots of snide remarks towards the crew members, including a remark to Archer about his father's failed work. She soon convinces herself that Archer just wants to kill the Vulcans and get revenge against them. She sets her phaser for kill and holds the crew hostage. Thankfully the crew are able to disarm her and subdue her. Archer realizes the only way to free themselves is to override the ship, which would lead to a warp core breach. Archer sends Dr.Phlox some bio information that will allow him to treat T'pol and the crew are rescued at the last minute by Trip and Mayweather. The Seleya explodes. T'pol is treated afterwards but is still haunted by the memories of the zombie Vulcans and feels a bit betrayed by her crew. She felt that it was not necessary to kill all of the infected Vulcans, but they had no choice.

"Impulse" was a Season 3 episode and by this point we had gotten to know the characters quite well. The crew was actually in the middle of a big story arc with an alien race called The Xindi, but it's not a factor in this episode. The episode originally aired in October 2003, just in time for the Halloween season! The episode itself is pretty one dimension but it's a lot of fun. If you ever wondered what "Night of the Living Vulcans" would be like, this does it justice. It's basic zombie movie scares, but in a Star Trek universe. The one interesting layer of depth to the story would be the psychotic breakdown of T'pol. We get to see T'pol become very emotional, which for a Vulcan is rare. She ends up expressing her true feelings regarding some of the crew members and says some things that can't be taken back. This issue reaches such a heated point that she actually requests that the Captain leave her on the next habitable planet. It provides a pretty interesting element to the bland zombie story we've seen 1,000 times. If you're looking for a good Star Trek Halloween episode, you can't go wrong with "Impulse", even if you aren't an Enterprise fan!

31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 15: Tremors

Written by Stu Cooper

Today's entry is another childhood favorite of mine. This is a film I discovered on TV late at night around age 8. I fell in love with the film then and nearly 20 years later I still feel the same. You'll have to make sure not to make any noise reading this review, because today's entry is "Tremors"! "Tremors" was released in January of 1990. It was directed by Ron Underwood with a budget of 11 million. The film starred Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Michael Gross, Finn Carter, and Reba McEntire among many others. The film is notable for being a 90's cult classic and is universally liked. I've never met a person who watched "Tremors" and didn't like something about it. I would go as far as to say it's one of my top 10 favorite horror films of all-time. "Tremors" is a gem because of the casting, the concept, and most importantly the cheese factor.

"Tremors" is all about two handymen named Val and Earl. The two of them do various handyman jobs, mostly in the small town of Perfection,Nevada. Perfection is a tiny ex-mining community that consists of mostly trailers and a small town area. Needless to say, the boys are struggling for money and both men seem like broke down cowboys. I would say the two men are best friends, but it seems like they annoy each other more than anything. The two men are not content with their current lifestyle, so they often mention moving to Bixby. Bixby being the nearest "big city".

On their way to Bixby the guys stumble upon a bizarre crime scene. A local man named Edgar has climbed an electrical pole, and died from apparent starvation. This means that he stood atop that pole for so long that he died. The guys forgo their journey to Bixby because they have to warn the town about a possible killer. As the duo heads back to Perfection, the rest of the town begins experiencing some gruesome events. One man witnesses his sheep being pulled into the ground, another couple has their entire vehicle pulled into the ground, and some construction workers experience a similar fate. Val and Earl seem to be missing all of this just by a few minutes. When the guys get back to the town, the phone lines are down, and the guys are forced to improvise. It's decided that the two men will ride by horseback into Bixby and get the police.

After riding for a few miles the guys run into the buried car, then are confronted by the attackers. It was no man that did all this, no natural disaster, it was...worms! That's right, worms are going on a homicidal killing spree in this small town. Not just any kind of worm, a worm that burrows underground and has the power to pop up at anytime and grab you! Earl later names them "Graboids" because of this very reason. The creatures have no eyes and travel by sense of sound. The creatures also have living snake like tongues that come out and feel around for the freshest meal. The graboid grabs the horses the guys are on, and the guys decide to make a run for it. After running onto an aqua duct, the graboid pursues. The graboid ends up accidentally killing itself by running out the side of the duct. This means Earl and Val can now further inspect the creature.

On their way back to town the two meet a woman named Rhonda. Rhonda is some type of geological expert who has been studying recent anomalies within the ground. After the guys share their story, Rhonda believes them and they begin to connect some dots. They eventually figure out that the creatures sense everything by hearing ground movement and that there is 3 worms remaining. The three of them are confronted by another graboid which leads to them running to the nearest thick rock, which appears to be one of the monster's weaknesses. After playing mind games with the graboid, the three of them make it back to town and try to warn them. Obviously the townspeople have a hard time believing the story until they are confronted with the creatures. The remainder of the film takes place mostly at the local shop and the home of the Gummers.

Speaking of The Gummers, they are a local couple who are certified badasses. You have Burt Gummer (Grossman) and his equally hardcore wife Heather (McEntire), and both are a force to be reckoned with. Burt in particular has been waiting for this kind of day. The couple live in a armored fortress of sorts with a variety of guns and hunting equipment. Unfortunately they never could have anticipated an underground attack, and that's what they are faced with. The couple manage to take down a graboid after it crashes into their den, but they have to use half their weapons to do it. The couple play a huge part in the film, and are very interesting editions to the group. Val and Earl are obviously the main characters, but in my opinion Burt is the best character. Thankfully the writers agreed and Burt is a huge character in the Tremors mythos from this point on.

I don't want to spoil the third act of film (if for some ungodly reason you haven't seen this film) but let's just say it's action packed. The graboids are incredibly scary and intimidating. It is kind of the "JAWS" idea of the monster hidden beneath your feet. Nothing more frightening than a villain you can't see until your death. Like "Gremlins" these creatures have rules and through encounters with the townspeople we slowly find those rules out.

I remember first finding out about "Tremors" on USA's "Up All Night" with Rhonda Shear. The busty blond would show cult movies or B movies late at night, and I happened to see this one. The film actually didn't do all that great in the box office but saw massive sales and rental numbers on Home Video. You could definitely say it earned it's hit status through VHS. The concept of the film was also unique at the time, tho it does borrow heavily from films like "JAWS". I believe it's merely an homage to classic 50's-60's science fiction mixed with "JAWS". The combination of absurdity is perfect.

The cast of characters is also something that works really well. Kevin Bacon is great as Val, despite the fact that he actually put down the film before it's release. He apparently told his wife that he thought his career was at it's all-time low because he was doing a movie about worms. Just like his Friday the 13th performance, it would see cult success despite his lack of support. Fred Ward as Earl is very fitting. Ward plays a hard ass cowboy with ease. You may remember him playing an equally grumpy southerner in "Road Trip". I enjoy his grumpiness and it is the perfect balance to Bacon's goofiness. The highlight of the film for me was Michael Gross's performance as Burt. Gross had begun filming this movie immediately after his last day on "Family Ties". I find that hilarious considering Burt stands for everything the wholesome father role on "Family Ties" stood for. Gross is such a great actor tho and he has no problem transitioning. His role as Burt is very lovable and he stands out as a true hero in the film. His wife Heather is played by Reba McEntire and this was actually her first acting role. She was becoming a popular country music star by this point, and this was a great first choice for her. If you're looking to appeal to southerners, shooting sand worms with automatic weapons is a good start! Bacon's love interest Rhonda played by Finn Carter is fine, but nothing special. She is a cute woman, and has fine chemistry with Bacon. Neither her nor Bacon would return for any of the sequels. If you like the Earl and Burt characters tho, you will be happy to know they continued to show up in the sequels.

Overall "Tremors" is an absolute gem. The film is very memorable for it's action, one liners, and unique creature design. It's a great example of good sci-fi horror and it delivers in pretty much every way. If you're looking for a B monster movie that leaves you completely entertained, then there is no question "Tremors" is for you.

31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 11: Horror of Dracula

Written by Stu Cooper

We are getting closer to Halloween and it's time to whip out the big guns. Let's talk Dracula. My personal favorite Dracula is Christopher Lee. I absolutely love the Bela Lugosi version and the Gary Oldman Dracula, but there is something about the brutality of Hammer films that gets me interested. Not only do you have Christopher Lee playing a remarkably creepy Dracula, but you have the acting legend Peter Cushing as the Vampire Hunter Dr.Van Helsing. The pairing of the two ends up being movie magic and is still talked about by horror fans today. The film I'll be talking about today is Hammer's "Horror of Dracula" which went by just "Dracula" outside of the U.S. but "Horror Of" was added to the title to avoid confusion with the Lugosi version. Like the Lugosi version, this one was loosely based on the concept of the original novel. This would be the first Christopher Lee Dracula film ever, tho Cushing and Lee previously worked on Hammer's "The Curse of Frankenstein".

The film was released in 1958 and Directed by Terence Fisher. Fisher would go on to direct several Hammer films starring Lee and Cushing. The plot revolves around Dracula's reign of terror moving from Transylvania to London. The film opens with a man named Johnathan Harker arriving at Dracula's castle and he is apparently there to serve as The Count's official book keeper and Librarian. Secretly Harker is actually there to kill Dracula and declares himself a vampire hunter in his diaries. Tho we don't really know what kind of qualifications he has to be such a thing. Immediately you can tell something is up with Dracula because he locks Harker in his own room, despite telling him he is free to explore the castle. Obviously he is not THAT free. Harker is confronted by a crazed woman inside the castle who asks him for his help, but a midst the craziness she decides to bite Harker. Dracula pops up out of nowhere and takes the woman off. The next day Harker discovers the coffins where Dracula and his minions sleep. Harker has time to kill the female minion, but Dracula is able to get away. The next day Van Helsing discovers a vampire Harker and is forced to kill him.

As a result of Harker's death Van Helsing is forced to deliver the news of Harker's fate to his widow Lucy, his brother Arthur, and Arthur's wife Mina. Together the four of them plot to track down Dracula and make him pay for what he did. Unfortunately Dracula has already gotten to Harker's wife and bitten her. Talk about a dick move, first you ruin a guy's life and turn him into a vampire, then when the guy dies, Dracula goes after the dead guy's wife! Dracula has never heard of bro code, that's for sure.

After Van Helsing finds out about Lucy's health, he attempts to cure her, but his attempts fail. After Lucy turns into a vampire and attempts to take the life of a child and Arthur, Van Helsing hits her with a cross and drives her off. Later Helsing stakes Lucy and continues his quest to track down Dracula. After Arthur's wife Mina is taken by Dracula, the final straw is broken and Arthur helps Van Helsing locate Dracula. Dracula has infected Mina and is attempting to bury her, but Van Helsing and Arthur save the day! This results in an epic final showdown between Dracula and Van Helsing. The fight ends when Van Helsing exposes Dracula to sunlight and the audience is treated to a gory body melting sequence. Dracula's body crumbles and Dracula is defeated...for now.

This film marked the beginning of the Hammer Dracula era and it was a fun ride for horror fans. Christopher Lee seems to not share the fond memories, probably a result for him getting such low pay for his appearances as Dracula. Still, the man returned to the role 6 times after this, so some part of him must have loved it. Lee actually only had 16 lines of dialogue in the entire film and most of it takes place in the beginning of the film when Harker arrives. The scene where Dracula decays at the end was actually edited because of the intense violent nature of the effect. The footage of the extended cut was thought to be lost, but was found in Japan and added to the newest version of the film on bluray. Audiences were quite shocked by the film due to it's gore. Cushing and Lee would team up for several sequels, but you are best sticking with the first 3 films in the series. It starts to get a bit weird once the series enters the 70's. If you have a way to watch this film, I highly recommend it. The Hammer horror films are a nice break from the tame nature of the early Universal Monster films. Hammer pulls no punches and it can get weird, but that's part of the charm.