Monster Mania Day 19: Bordello of Blood

Written by Stu Cooper

Day 19 in the Monster Mania review-a-thon is once again about "Tales From The Crypt"! The series returned to the cinema again in "Bordello of Blood". The film was the second in a planned trilogy. Unfortunately due to poor box office reception the third film was straight to dvd and had little to do with the universe. "Bordello of Blood" was heavy on the comedy and was not nearly as scary as "Demon Knight". I think that was the cause for the poor box office numbers and the bad reviews. I myself find this film quite enjoyable and a solid entry in the Cryptkeeper's book of tales. Let's dive into this film and talk about why it's worthy of Monster Mania!

"Bordello of Blood" starred Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart, Corey Feldman and Erika Eleniak. The film was released in August 1996 and made about 5.5 million total gross in theaters. The film was once again independent from the comics, but still an entry into the cryptkeeper's universe. The story was written by Bob Gale with some contribution by series creator William Gaines.

"Bordello of Blood" is a vampire movie at it's core. The film tells the story of an ancient vampire prostitute by the name of Lilith. This "Lilith" is a reference to the mother of all vampires. A scumbag version of Indiana Jones known as Vincent travels to the jungle with his associates in search of Lilith. Once he finds her tomb, he takes a key full of blood (the same one from Demon Knight) and pours it on Lilith's dead skeleton. This causes the skeleton to regenerate, and it attacks all of the migrant workers that got conned into helping Vincent. After she eats a few guys she regenerates her entire figure, which happens to be an extremely hot red headed woman. Vincent uses the key to keep her under control. She is deathly afraid of the key. This sticks with the demon theme established in "Demon Knight".

We are then introduced to Catherine and Caleb Verdoux, two local residents who are brother and sister. Caleb is a rebellious punk rocker type played by Corey Feldman. Caleb heads out to the local hole in the wall bar with some of his friends. While getting drunk and acting like total morons, the group is confronted by a skiddish biker who tells them there is a local brothel that the boys should checkout. Caleb and one other friend are the only ones interested in going. The two of them head out to the brothel, and it turns out the location is a funeral parlor. The boys knock on the door and are welcomed in by a igor-esque mortician. The mortician is a servant of Lilith's who lures them into the brothel. The boys are confronted with an army of beautiful lustful women and they see many other local gentlemen engaging the women. The two of them break off with women of their choosing only to be confronted by Lilith. Lilith then exposes her true intentions when she begins eating the boys alive! She LITERALLY eats one of their hearts out. It's quite a disturbing visual moment. For whatever reason she decides to keep Caleb alive, and he becomes a vampire minion of hers. I have to admit the brothel cover is quite clever and would totally work. Men get stupid when surrounded by beautiful women, and there are a lot of horny men out there. That's a lot of meals.

After her brother goes missing Catherine decides to approach the police. The police don't offer her much help so she enlists the aid of a goofy private detective named Rafe Guttman. Rafe is incredibly sarcastic, witty, and curious about the unknown. He offers to help Catherine track down her brother and that's where the real story begins. Rafe follows a trail of bread crumbs around the town which leads him to the brothel.

Meanwhile Catherine goes to work at a church. This is where we meet Reverend Current. Current is a corrupt self righteous televangelist and Catherine is his assistant. He cuts really cheesy sermons and often performs music while having giant lasers shot out around him. He is about as hammy as it gets. The thing that makes Current so great is the casting. He is played by horror icon Chris Sarandon who played Jerry Dandridge in the original "Fright Night". You find yourself rooting for his character despite him being a horrible human being. As the film progresses we find out that Reverend Current is so corrupt that he is even involved in Lilith and Vincent's plan. The Reverend craves more exposure, which is exactly what he would get if he confronted and dealt with the world's first vampire.

Rafe invades the brothel and barely escapes with his life. He goes to warn Catherine and the two of them team up. Meanwhile Lilith manipulates Vincent into destroying the key, which now makes Lilith immortal. Rafe and Catherine are eventually confronted by the vampire version of Caleb. He attacks Rafe and Catherine, and captures Catherine.

Rafe is caught by the police and locked up. Shortly after Reverend Current helps out Rafe and seeks forgiveness for being selfish. He vows to help Rafe defeat the vampires and repents for his wrongdoings. The two of them fill up squirt guns with holy water and lead an assault on the brothel. What happens beyond that point is an absolute bloodbath set to "Ballroom Blitz". It's a really fun scene in a fun film. After battling the army of vampire prostitutes Rafe and Current are confronted by Lilith. I don't want to spoil of the ending of the film, it is a gory bloodbath with a sprinkle of fun.

"Bordello of Blood" is the epitome of cheesy horror. The film is incredibly goofy and gory. You get to see some pretty twisted stuff that exists in a rather silly universe. Dennis Miller delivers most of his lines as if it's stand up, but you don't really care because he is battling hot vampires and Corey Feldman. Let's also not forget that Feldman played The Frog Brother in "The Lost Boys" so there is a bit of irony in his role. Angie Everhart as Lilith is truly unforgettable. She has no acting experience, and she doesn't need much, but what lines she does have are delivered well. She oozes sex appeal and is incredibly intimidating. You really get the vibe that she is a mature woman who has seen and done a lot of things. Most red blooded males would fall for her tricks, so that makes her a pretty scary villain in my eyes. The scares themselves are few and far between. The scare factor is mostly gore related. "Demon Knight" had a very dark subplot and a dark vibe, where as "Bordello of Blood" is almost like a Simpson's Treehouse of Horror tale. The tone of the film is borderline slapstick. Despite it's change in tone, I loved the movie. I'm actually sad that it performed badly because a third entry in theaters would have been nice. If you're a fan of "Tales from The Crypt" and horror comedies, this would be a great choice.

31 Days of Monster Mania: Day 11: Horror of Dracula

Written by Stu Cooper

We are getting closer to Halloween and it's time to whip out the big guns. Let's talk Dracula. My personal favorite Dracula is Christopher Lee. I absolutely love the Bela Lugosi version and the Gary Oldman Dracula, but there is something about the brutality of Hammer films that gets me interested. Not only do you have Christopher Lee playing a remarkably creepy Dracula, but you have the acting legend Peter Cushing as the Vampire Hunter Dr.Van Helsing. The pairing of the two ends up being movie magic and is still talked about by horror fans today. The film I'll be talking about today is Hammer's "Horror of Dracula" which went by just "Dracula" outside of the U.S. but "Horror Of" was added to the title to avoid confusion with the Lugosi version. Like the Lugosi version, this one was loosely based on the concept of the original novel. This would be the first Christopher Lee Dracula film ever, tho Cushing and Lee previously worked on Hammer's "The Curse of Frankenstein".

The film was released in 1958 and Directed by Terence Fisher. Fisher would go on to direct several Hammer films starring Lee and Cushing. The plot revolves around Dracula's reign of terror moving from Transylvania to London. The film opens with a man named Johnathan Harker arriving at Dracula's castle and he is apparently there to serve as The Count's official book keeper and Librarian. Secretly Harker is actually there to kill Dracula and declares himself a vampire hunter in his diaries. Tho we don't really know what kind of qualifications he has to be such a thing. Immediately you can tell something is up with Dracula because he locks Harker in his own room, despite telling him he is free to explore the castle. Obviously he is not THAT free. Harker is confronted by a crazed woman inside the castle who asks him for his help, but a midst the craziness she decides to bite Harker. Dracula pops up out of nowhere and takes the woman off. The next day Harker discovers the coffins where Dracula and his minions sleep. Harker has time to kill the female minion, but Dracula is able to get away. The next day Van Helsing discovers a vampire Harker and is forced to kill him.

As a result of Harker's death Van Helsing is forced to deliver the news of Harker's fate to his widow Lucy, his brother Arthur, and Arthur's wife Mina. Together the four of them plot to track down Dracula and make him pay for what he did. Unfortunately Dracula has already gotten to Harker's wife and bitten her. Talk about a dick move, first you ruin a guy's life and turn him into a vampire, then when the guy dies, Dracula goes after the dead guy's wife! Dracula has never heard of bro code, that's for sure.

After Van Helsing finds out about Lucy's health, he attempts to cure her, but his attempts fail. After Lucy turns into a vampire and attempts to take the life of a child and Arthur, Van Helsing hits her with a cross and drives her off. Later Helsing stakes Lucy and continues his quest to track down Dracula. After Arthur's wife Mina is taken by Dracula, the final straw is broken and Arthur helps Van Helsing locate Dracula. Dracula has infected Mina and is attempting to bury her, but Van Helsing and Arthur save the day! This results in an epic final showdown between Dracula and Van Helsing. The fight ends when Van Helsing exposes Dracula to sunlight and the audience is treated to a gory body melting sequence. Dracula's body crumbles and Dracula is defeated...for now.

This film marked the beginning of the Hammer Dracula era and it was a fun ride for horror fans. Christopher Lee seems to not share the fond memories, probably a result for him getting such low pay for his appearances as Dracula. Still, the man returned to the role 6 times after this, so some part of him must have loved it. Lee actually only had 16 lines of dialogue in the entire film and most of it takes place in the beginning of the film when Harker arrives. The scene where Dracula decays at the end was actually edited because of the intense violent nature of the effect. The footage of the extended cut was thought to be lost, but was found in Japan and added to the newest version of the film on bluray. Audiences were quite shocked by the film due to it's gore. Cushing and Lee would team up for several sequels, but you are best sticking with the first 3 films in the series. It starts to get a bit weird once the series enters the 70's. If you have a way to watch this film, I highly recommend it. The Hammer horror films are a nice break from the tame nature of the early Universal Monster films. Hammer pulls no punches and it can get weird, but that's part of the charm.

31 Days of MONSTER MANIA!

Written by Stu Cooper

(Image by Chris Fischer)

Today is October 1st and that means the road to Halloween begins now! I have loved and cherished Halloween ever since I was a young child. I've always found horror films to be more fascinating than other types of films, especially the horror gems of the 70's and 80's, and of course the Universal monster movies. Since I have so much love for this holiday and the spirit that comes with it, I've decided to do 31 blog entries in 31 days. Not just any type of blog entry tho, 31 days of...MONSTER MANIA! That's right folks 31 days full of horror movie reviews, horror game reviews, horror comic reviews, and of course some weird gems thrown in to get you in the mood for monsters! So check back right here at Film Enigma everyday this month for a new entry in the countdown. Readers beware...you're in for a scare!

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review

Written by Stuart Cooper

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Starring Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Rufus Sewell and Mary Elizabeth Winstead

One of the many summer films I had been looking forward to was Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The movie is adapted from a popular book of the same title. I did not read the book so I won’t be able to compare the text to the film, but from what I’ve heard from others, there are a few differences. If you would like to let me know what those differences are then feel free to comment below. The film is pretty much exactly what the title says. It’s an alternate take on the life of Abraham Lincoln. In this version of his life he loses his mother at a very young age after witnessing a vampire murder her in the middle of the night, this causes Abe to form a distinct hatred of vampires and he in turn devotes a large portion of his life to destroying them. The film is definitely not the most historically accurate film, nor is it supposed to be. If you overanalyze the subject matter you probably won’t enjoy it. It is more-so along the lines of films like Wild Wild West and Jonah Hex, except much more entertaining. I wouldn’t have minded a few giant mechanical spiders in the film though.

The story itself starts off with Lincoln as a young boy, and then quickly jumps to his life as a young adult. There is no mention of his life in Kentucky which was unfortunate considering I’m a Kentucky native myself and would have liked to have seen more about that. Also thought we’d see something about his wrestling hobby, but I guess they only had so much time and couldn’t really touch on all the aspects of Lincoln’s life. Lincoln’s main goal at the beginning of the film is to track down the exact vampire that was responsible for killing his mother. This is not very hard since the vampire has been running the same shipping port since he was a child and still works in the same exact place. One thing that is rather convenient in the film is that the vampires can work and function in the daylight if they wear sunglasses and put on some type of extra strength suntan lotion. I thought this was a bit goofy but given the tone of the film I accepted it. It also helps explain why the vampires could be present on the battlefield during the Civil war (which I will get to later). In his search for vengeance Lincoln meets a few interesting characters along the way, some familiar to history buffs, some not. Lincoln encounters a man by the name of Henry Sturgess who actually becomes a Jedi master of sorts for young Lincoln. Henry is the one responsible for giving Lincoln some much needed focus and skill that he would need in his battle against the vampires. There is a great chemistry between Lincoln and Henry and I really enjoyed that aspect of the film. They had a nice Sherlock and Watson thing going on. Since Henry seemed to have a slight British accent I couldn’t help but imagine a BBC spin-off detailing the adventures of these two. As the film progresses Lincoln’s training is finished and he eventually becomes a vampire assassin of sorts. We see all sorts of cool “vampire hunting” sequences as a result, which delivers every time. The only pet peeve I have about some of the action sequences are the fact that at times Lincoln displays skills that no normal human would have. He seems to have super strength and super agility, despite the fact that he is not a vampire. This is never really explained other than the fact that he is just…a badass. Seeing Lincoln make use of the axe he wields is probably the highlight of the film. The moments when Lincoln is swinging his axe around like the lost member of the ninja turtles…priceless.

As far as the historical ties that the film has, there are a few. Several key players in history from that time period appear in the film. We see Lincoln’s wife Mary Todd Lincoln played by the always beautiful Mary Elizabeth Winstead, a small appearance by Harriet Tubman, and the incredibly charismatic Alan Tudyk as Lincoln’s political rival Stephen Douglas. The portrayal of Lincoln’s wife worked out pretty well but I was pretty letdown by the short screen time given to Alan Tudyk. Tudyk is one of my favorite actors and I think the film would have been served well by giving him a bigger role. There is also an interesting alternate take on the battle of Gettysburg which makes for a fun “what if” scenario. Unfortunately the film does not feature Stonewall Jackson and I thought that was a missed opportunity considering the asylum used his character in “Abe Lincoln vs. Zombies” and it actually worked in that one.

Overall Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a fun shallow action film with some delightful action sequences and some quality acting from Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead. The film could have been a lot better but the short comings were few and far between. If you are ready to sit back and relax and just enjoy a film, this would be a good one to choose. It’s definitely what you would call a “popcorn flick”. If you love either Abe Lincoln or vampires, then you will probably enjoy this film.