Monster Mania: The Burbs (1989)

Written by Stu Cooper

What's a person to do when they have a lot of time off? Maybe take up a hobby, travel the world, socialize with friends? Well for one man, this was a complex question. In the 1989 Joe Dante film "The Burbs" we see what happens when you live in a bubble and have too much free time on your hands. Tom Hanks stars as the lead in this amazingly dark and humorous satire of suburban paranoia. The film capitalizes on the frenzy that was born in the late 60's to mid 80's from the "satanic panic" era of news. During this time, a lot of people just assumed they may be surrounded by monsters. People were, and still are, constantly concerned about what their neighbors are up to. Well this film takes that human instinct and runs wild with it. It goes beyond paranoia, beyond neighborhood watch, and into...THE BURBS!

Tom Hanks stars as Ray Peterson, a suburban husband who decides to take a week off work to relax. His wife Carol(Carrie Fisher) insists that they take the kids and go on vacation, but Ray is perfectly content just lounging around. This is reinforced by his goofy best friend, and fellow neighbor Art Weingartner played by the gloriously cheesy Rick Ducommun. Together the two men pretty much dominate the conversation and create a world of their own. In this bubble that they've created, they are detectives of sort. Ray and Art are constantly scanning the neighborhood, looking for what weirdness may lurk beneath the fresh cut grass.

Through the perspective of these fellows, we are introduced to the neighborhood. We first meet Corey Feldman's character Ricky Butler. This was during a time where Feldman was getting too old to play "the kid", so he is a college age guy who randomly has an entire house to himself. It's a bizarre point in Feldman's career, and I wasn't quite sure what to make of his performance. If you've seen his performance as "The Frog Brother" in Lost Boys, it's along those lines. Then we have Walter who is a snobby older man who purposely trains his dog to poop on other people's lawns. That person's lawn in question belongs to some kind of military obsessed older man named Mark. Together in a culdasec, these men constantly agitate each other. But they all share one common goal...to figure out what the weird house on the block is up to. The weird house inhabited by a mysterious family simply known as...The Klopeks.

We don't know much about the Klopeks. We just know that they took over the house after the previous owners seemingly left town, and that the house is in terrible condition. It's as if the house is completely abandoned, but the neighbors know it isn't because they often see strange lights coming from the basement windows. After witnessing a series of strange events, Ray and Art attempt to introduce themselves to the Klopeks. All of their attempts fail miserably, so they enlist the military tactics of fellow neighbor Mark. All of their paranoia is unfounded, until the elderly neighbor Walter goes missing. The group can't locate Walter, and his dog is still around, so they see that as an alarming sign that something terrible has happened. This spurs an investigation into the Klopeks done by each neighbor. Together Ray, Art, and Mark try to infiltrate the house, and the mysterious family.

After a series of failed attempts to be stealthy, the group decides to just simply confront the Klopeks head on. To their surprise, the Klopeks welcome the neighbors into their home. What comes next is a peak into the Klopeks world, and it's definitely something straight out of the Addams family. We see a man, his brother, and what appears to be his young relative. They are inhabiting a house full of weird relics and macabre atmosphere. The group investigates the house and finds creaky doors, dusty photos, and weird foods galore. Nothing too alarming...until they discover a gigantic science lab and furnace in the basement. This area becomes the focal point for their paranoia and fuels their hunch that something disturbing lurks beyond the eyes of the Klopeks.

All of this sounds pretty creepy, but it's all played out in a very comedic way. There is a ton of slapstick humor, mixed with funny one liners. The film also contains classic "Honeymooners" humor, putting dramatically different people in the same room together for awkward periods of time. There is also a funny layer of satire that horror fans will definitely pick up on. Often the film has creepy music playing over what is usually a mundane landscape, playing up the paranoia of the suburban culdesac. The cinematography also plays up the paranoia of not only the characters, but the audience. As a viewer, you are left in the dark about the truth behind the people involved. It's very mysterious and uses the classic Hitchcock "Rear Window" suspense idea of what lies behind closed doors. It's not until the last ten minutes of film when you get solid answers. I won't be spoiling that reveal because this film is genius and deserves a dedicated viewing. After finishing the film, you will think twice about peering over your neighbor's fence or leering through the window with the strange light coming out of it. You may find something you aren't prepared for. If you would like to checkout the film for yourself, it's available for free as part of Amazon Prime, or 2.99 for non members. Also if you are already familiar with the film but want to revisit the best version available, SHOUT FACTORY released an amazing blu-ray edition last year.

Bonus Burb Fact: Early on in the film you can see Hanks and Fisher preparing breakfast for their children and they are all indulging in a box of GREMLINS cereal. Since Joe Dante directed both GREMLINS and this film, that's a fun little easter egg. I wonder if the cereal was any good?

Monster Mania: "What's In The Box?!"

Written by Stu Cooper

Who doesn't love a mystery grab bag? Well given the time of year and the maximum amount of Halloween hype I'm currently experiencing, I think it's time to take a look at some spooky products! This week I was graced with a mystery box full of Halloween goodies, courtesy of "Don't Eat The Gum". The site itself offers several different options for retro and pop culture themed loot boxes, none of which disappoint. Let's take a peak into what I got in my mystery haul! Before I begin, I want you to do your best Brad Pitt Impression while reading this article's title. "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!"

There is a ridiculous amount of goodies in here. The highlights of which include A Freddy Kreuger He-man inspired figure, a fantastic fangoria back issue, tons of cards,and a beautiful portrait of Elvira that's created by the very talented artist Byron Winton!

The package included a mixtape of epic rock music that sets the tone for Halloween. That may be something I have to review on it's own entirely.

Here are some Universal Monster themed Garbage Pail Kids! I love these things. It's amazing how enduring the concept still is today.

A true throwback to 80's action figures, this Savage World Freddy Kreuger mixes Masters of The Universe with Horror and is part of a 5 character series!

And to absolutely seal the deal, I received a framed photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger with what appears to be the villains from Monster Squad. This is perplexing since the actor was not in the film. But thanks to Tales From The Crypt, we know Arnold is a big horror fan. I guess he just wanted to see that gem be made for himself.

All of those epic things were crammed into the mystery box I received from "Don't Eat The Gum". That's just a small sampling of what is available from them, and I highly recommend checking out their Easter baskets when that season comes around. Thanks for the extensive pop culture flashback!

Monster Mania: Party Hard (PS4) Review

Written by Stu Cooper

If you've ever lived in an apartment or close knit suburb community, you have most likely encountered a situation where you were annoyed with your neighbor. Whether it's loud noises, funky smells, or congested parking due to party animals, it's probably gotten under your skin. What if you were completely pushed to the edge and you were wiling to do anything to stop the party? Well most human beings are able to control themselves and get over it, but in the game "Party Hard", the goal is quite the opposite. In "Party Hard" you play the role of a young man who has been pushed to the edge, unable to sleep or find peace, he goes on a killing spree. Not just any killing spree, but a party killing spree. He goes from location to location, destroying parties by eliminating the guests. The game is played out through a series of stories the killer is telling the police. While that sounds incredibly morbid and sadistic, it is the 16 bit aesthetic and the humor found within the game that brings out huge doses of dark comedy.

In "Party Hard" you take the role of an unnamed killer, simply referred to as "the man who just wanted some sleep". You are armed with a knife, a bevy of tricks, and home alone-esque traps that you can utilize to progressively eliminate guests at the party. It starts out simple with a small house party, but throughout the game you can attend parties on boats, party buses, desert musical festivals, and night clubs. Each level features it's own unique set of guests, traps, and randomized events. The key to the game is definitely the randomization. Each time you play a level, it's different. It may be a small difference, but it's different none the less. The guests are often different, they may be doing different things, the effects the guests have on each other may differ, and then you have trigger events that are spread out throughout the level. These events include things like zombie outbreaks, police raids, framing other's for crimes, pest control gone wrong, alien abductions, and more! Thanks to the level of complexity, the game certainly doesn't lack in the creative kill department. You can even sit back and watch the party as if it were an installment of "The Sims". Guests will often argue with each other, have sex, get drunk and pass out, and even accidentally kill each other! It's as if someone created a mod for "The Sims" where everything is chaos. If you are one of those people who loves to play "The Sims" simply so you can find ways to kill your players, this is your dream game.

The game plays out through a birds eye view. You control the killer, and you have full view of the house and guests at all times. It reminds me of those books that show the insides of ships/castles/etc. and you can see all the bits and pieces and what the people are doing. It's an interesting perspective. It also kind of reminds me of "Paperboy" in terms of the level of bizarre activity and random events happening around you.

The player you control while able to kill, is incredibly vulnerable. The name of the game is stealth, almost like a cartoony version of Hitman. You must navigate through the party and eliminate the guests without ever being noticed. If you are noticed, it's full alert. You often get taken out by a bouncer, or the party goers call the police on you. One touch from the police and you're done for. Game Over. It's a pretty cruel learning curve, but once you figure out the sensitivity of the A.I., you're able to work with it. That's not to say it's impossible to evade. You can often find a way to get out of range of the cops, and they eventually give up their search, or in some cases they arrest the wrong person. If you really want to up the ante, you can call for back up, which is also randomized. Sometimes another killer shows up, sometimes a drive-by occurs, sometimes the swat team shows up and goes Full Metal Jacket on everyone. It's really the flip of a coin, which makes for a really fun nerve racking experience.

Now what would a party be without music? Well no worries, there is plenty of good tunes throughout the game. All of the music is instrumental and electronic, but it flows with the tone of the game perfectly. It features that 16 bit poppy tone you'd find in something like Earthworm Jim, while integrating royalty free music you imagine people dancing to at an actual party. In fact, the DJ is an actual character in the game and you often have to save killing them for last, because if the music were to suddenly stop, everyone would wonder what was up. It's tiny details like that, that make this game a truly unique and addicting experience. As a caveat to that, you can also perform dance moves! If you approach a guest and begin dancing, the reactions vary. Either the guest digs it and you are on the verge of getting lucky, or they are disgusted with you and alarmed. You can also use the repulsive dance techniques to herd the guests into a certain area of the party, lambs being led to the slaughter so to speak.

For a price tag of 12.99 or free if you're a PS Plus member, you definitely get your moneys worth. The game is a great time killer and it's easy to pick up and play. The game is also TWITCH friendly for those who prefer to use the PC version. At one point the game even gave gameplay power to TWITCH users, giving them the power to effect the party. There is a sequel on the way, so I imagine the title will be going on sale soon. I can't recommend this one enough, especially if you have a dark sense of humor. If you are looking for a creepy game to give you in the Halloween mood, this is a great one to start with. Party Hard 2 is set to be released on STEAM at the end of October 2018, so hurry up and give the first one a try before the sequel is released!

Monster Mania has returned!

After taking a year off, it is time to unlock the crypt, emerge from the fog, and bring life to the dead. Film Enigma has officially returned and what better time to make that return than the greatest month of all, October. It's a month filled with nostalgia, primal fears, costumes, unhealthy brightly colored food, and the finest in horror schlock. What more can a grown kid ask for? Well, this year for Monster Mania I'm coming in hot! I'm reviewing one of the darkest games I've ever played, some of the darkest films I've ever seen, and even some goofy Halloween specials you've probably forgotten about.

So get your costumed chicken nuggets and Elvira Coors light ads ready, it's time to dive into the 2018 Monster Mania!

Shin Godzilla Review

Written by Stu Cooper

Hitting theaters for the first time in over a decade, Godzilla makes his theatrical return, and it's against his biggest enemy yet...POLITICS! That's right, the 29th installment in the ever changing Godzilla legacy revolves around a group of various politicians struggling to come up with a solution to their BIGGEST problem ever. (see what I did there?)

Shin Godzilla is the first TOHO produced Godzilla film since 2004's Godzilla Final Wars. American audiences would be treated to their own version in 2014's Godzilla, but it was not affiliated with TOHO or the universe established by their films. This film and creature are a separate beast entirely. Shin Godzilla started production when TOHO announced the film in December 2014, possibly as a response to the US film. Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi were set to direct, and throughout 2015 the film began to take shape. The film was released on July 29th, 2016 in Japan, though American viewers would have to wait until October. Saying that the Japanese release was a success would be a massive understatement. The film was not only the highest grossing live action Japanese film of 2016, but also the highest grossing Japanese produced Godzilla film in history. That is a massive achievement! Whether it's success will carry over to America is uncertain considering the subject matter is heavily tied to current Japanese culture and politics.

After leaving the theater, I was quite unsure what to think. The film is completely different than any Godzilla film before it. You have a 2 hour movie, where most of the scenes are dialogue. It's interesting and thought provoking, but different. If you are looking for a Pacific Rim thrill ride, you won't find that here. The film transcends the definition of a monster movie, and brings to light a new kind of monster, political chaos. While the film is most certainly about Godzilla and his path of destruction, the sub text and commentary is spelled out for the viewer. Every human character in the film is some type of bureaucrat, ambassador, or politically charged scientist. This makes for lots of conversations about legalities, political red tape, and most prominently the idea of mankind simply destroying itself from the inside.

While the politics in the film are mostly satire, there is some very serious commentary at hand. There are several moments in the film that may echo recent Japanese disasters like Fukishima, or the 2011 Earthquake. There are scenes of people buried under destruction and buildings collapsing, as well as massive doses of radiation flooding the nearby cities. These are very real problems that Japan has come face to face with recently. There is also a strong suggestion that the Japanese government fears the political ignorance of Americans, and wants out of our shadow. The Americans are often shown as trigger happy and self important. At one point in the film it's the American government that actually forces Japan to confront the possibility of another Hiroshima. That serves as one of the most intense and dramatic moments in the film, and Godzilla has little to do with it, he is merely a catalyst. Just one example of the many ways this movie transcends your basic sci-fi creature feature.

It's clear the story of the film is deep and rooted in the history of Japan. I could write pages on that very subject alone, but what about the rest of the film? The creature itself was certainly a sight to behold. At first Godzilla resembles something akin to a giant Turkey, but without going into spoiler territory I will say that the audience laughed every time this part of the creature was shown on screen. Thankfully the laughter is quickly turned to intimidation as Godzilla becomes increasingly threatening. This new version of Godzilla also shows off quite a few tricks, which adds a layer of unpredictability to the film. This ain't your daddy's Godzilla! At 118 meters tall (the biggest Godzilla ever), he is no laughing matter.

I remember when the first images of this version were released I was actually quite disappointed. I thought his eyes and hands looked a bit goofy, but I am happy to report he looks absolutely terrifying in the actual film. It's almost like an undead demon Godzilla by the end of the film. Something that you'd see in a Sam Raimi movie, and I loved every bit of it. Speaking of horror nods, I actually found some parts of the creature design to be similar to the John Carpenter's The Thing. As a life long Godzilla fan I found this version of the creature to be shocking and scary. That's exactly how the original 1954 Godzilla made audiences feel, so I take that as a good sign.

The CGI for Godzilla and the action sequences is remarkable. I legitimately could not tell what was CGI for most of the film, other than the infamous “Turkey” scene I mentioned earlier. The effects on the creature design are flawless and do a very good job of representing his size and scale. I'm not sure if any of the creature scenes were filmed via man in a suit, but the fact that I can't tell should speak volumes about the effects team.

In terms of screen performances, the shining stars were definitely Hiroki Hasegawa as Rando Yuguchi, the Deputy Chief Secretary; and U.S. Ambassador character Kayoko played by the lovely Satomi Ishihara. The two characters exist in a world of chaotic political characters that they bump into throughout the film. The pair is forced to work with these individuals to find a solution to the Godzilla threat. They do a good job of conveying the stress and drama that a situation like this would present. While being mostly serious, there are several moments of satirical comic relief as the characters begin to realize how clueless some of the higher ups are. You may say these actors are mediocre, but compared to previous acting performances in TOHO Godzilla films, they are award winning.

The sound design on the film was one of the most intriguing parts. The film actually used several sound effects and unused tracks from the 1954 Godzilla. Combined with the usage of the always wonderful TOHO Godzilla theme song, the soundtrack was spot on. There was also a few new tracks which fit in well with the Japanese Godzilla style. I can't say enough positive things about the sound, a true highlight in the film.

When it's all said and done, I think audiences may find Shin Godzilla to be a very puzzling film. If you appreciate satire and deeper meaning in films, you will be pleasantly surprised. If you are looking for an all out monster brawl, you'll be disappointed. I consider myself a die hard Godzilla fan and even I found myself yawning at points. But as soon as I would start to feel bored, the film would slap me with a huge dose of cinematic radiation, and I was back into it. I would say if you enjoy science fiction or Godzilla films, you should give it a chance. Who knows when you'll get another chance to see a TOHO Godzilla film on the big screen? Go Go Godzilla.

The Witch (2016) Review

Written by Stu Cooper

As human beings we constantly live in a state of paranoia and wonder when it comes to God and mysterious things that lie deep in the woods. What can't be explained is often accounted for by some belief in God or paranormal force. But what if there was more to it than that? What if man found a way to bond with nature in the unholiest of ways? That's the kind of fear that The Witch prays upon and that is what makes it a unique horror experience.

The Witch was Written and Directed by Robert Eggers. The film stars Ralph Inneson as excommunicated Puritan William as he struggles to keep his family on the right path a midst a series of unfortunate events taking place in the 17th century. William is accompanied by his wife Katherine (Kate Dickie) and his four children consisting of the Cinderella-like teenager Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy), Caleb (Harvey Scrimshaw), along with twins Mercy (Ellie Grainger) and Jonas (Lucas Dawson). The film also features a non-human character by the name of Black Phillip, who is a black goat. I guess dogs weren't quite the usual pet just yet. After a positive reaction at Sundance and Toronto film festivals, A24 and DirectTV teamed up to get the distribution rights, deciding to release the film nationally in theaters. The film hit theaters February 19th, 2016 and grossed over 16.7 million at the box office. With a budget of only 3.5 million, the critics and audiences seem to agree that The Witch is something special.

It's the early 1600's and a family appears in front of a tribunal of some-sort. Their colony of Puritans decides that the family is not fit for their community and that they must leave immediately. The father William seems confident that God is on his side and that his family will be guided to a better life. Reluctantly the oldest child Thomasin follows her father into the wilderness. Once the family establishes a camp, they begin building a place to live. First they build houses and stables, followed by the planting of crops. The family even begins raising chickens and goats.

Unfortunately for the family, they are seemingly cursed. One by one things begin to go awry. After the family fails to grow healthy crops or raise healthy animals, they begin to question their favor with the lord. The father continues to be the most strong willed one when it comes to faith. He constantly reassures the son Caleb that they will go to heaven. He even speaks to Caleb about the idea of babies going to hell. As the family continues living on the outskirts, they experience multiple visits from some kind of creature. The creature takes residence inside the deepest, darkest parts of the woods. It's there that the family will discover some of the most disturbing things in the film. Things only continue to spiral downwards leading to people disappearing, possession, and death.

One word I would use to perfectly describe The Witch would be "macabre". It is a slow burning tale of horror that creates suspense through paranoia and a sense of foreboding rather than CGI effects or POV camera scares. I think the film brings back a lost art form in regards to the horror genre. The genre has been overly saturated by CGI ghost movies for the past decade and it desperately needs original eerie films like this one. While the plot of witches and black magic are nothing new, it's the execution that makes the film so strong. The cinematography aides the story by highlighting with creepy long nature shots, exposing the dark lifeless landscapes inhabited by the family. The atmosphere of the film is damp and murky, which sets the tone for the experiences the family endures. The subject matter serves a great historical fiction analysis of religious and spiritual hysteria and the damage it can do. You have many family members in the film who demonstrate extreme and frightening beliefs. That also poses the question of what is more dangerous, the black magic power in the woods or the ones who believe in it? A true horror experience gets into your head, and poses questions like these. It's been too long since theaters were able to engage in a film this dark. It's a far cry from the yearly Paranormal Activity or James Wan Ghost movie. If you can handle a slow crawling tone riddled with bone chilling imagery, then this is a film you'll enjoy.

As a testament to the style this film brings on screen, cinematographer Jarin Blaschke used natural lighting for the entire film. The natural lighting gives the film it's gloomy nature tone and really makes it stand out. The interior shots are often lit by nothing more than candle light. I think this decision was smart because it enabled me to easily get lost in the early 1600's. I found myself completely motionless, staring at the screen without a doubt that I was watching life in the 17th century. That's a rare feeling to stumble upon in a film, and it's the best kind of feeling. A good film always taps into that part of your brain and makes you get lost in the world on screen. If a filmmaker can accomplish this in a horror film it's even better because then the audience member is surprised or scared by the things they see on screen. That is why the imagery in this film holds up and feels so strong.

The highlight of the film was Ralph Inneson as the father. His deep voice definitely adds to the eerie nature of his character. It also helps that the film is historically accurate in terms of speech and atmosphere. The characters speak in a dialect that serves the time period, and adds to the mythos of the characters. When you hear Inneson deliver a prayer in Old English tongues, it sends chills down the spine. Another sign that this film knows how to tap into terror of another form. The constant state of paranoia that the characters operate under is another sense of tension in the film. You have people pointing fingers, constantly accusing each other of committing sin in thought. It brings to light a form of terror that is ancient, but still relevant. One could easily compare this blind faith fear to current day political situations, especially in an election year. It all comes down to wondering if the devil is whispering in people's ears. Besides the stand out performance from Inneson, you have to give props to Anya Taylor-Joy as the oldest daughter Thomasin. She is essentially the focus of the film and given her limited acting experience, I was very impressed. She conveys a sense of fear and isolation throughout the film that is very believable. She also has a puritan blond beauty to her, that makes her appear to be one of the most innocent characters in the film. She is also one of the only characters who seems to be level headed. She is often trying to get her family to snap out of whatever faith driven state of anxiety they are in. Joy does a fine job in the role, and given the reaction the film has garnered so far, I have no doubts she has a future in horror.

The Witch was shot in a mere 25 days, which I found to be an astounding feat. It is a testament to the devotion of the Director and especially the cinematographer. The cinematographer had to constantly work around the weather in order to keep the film in natural light. Not only does The Witch feel like a solid macabre horror film, but it's a true achievement in horror. If anything it can serve as inspiration for future filmmakers to create original scripts on low budgets and take them to festivals.

Overall the film is quite enjoyable. It is certainly on the slow side and I wouldn't recommend diving into it if you're about to crash for the evening. If you have an open mind or a fascination with witches, you will find this film interesting. If you already have a knowledge of Puritan life, then you may find the film disturbing on a totally different level. Patience is required for viewing, but since it only clocks in at 100 minutes, it will come to an end just as it starts to peak. It is not quite as intense as something like Lords of Salem, but it makes a lot more sense.

The Green Inferno (2015) Review

Written by Stu Cooper

Nearly one year ago theaters and horror fans alike were supposed to be treated to Eli Roth's newest horror incarnation The Green Inferno. Due to several financial issues within the production company, the film was delayed almost an entire year. This is one of those films that was hot and heavy out of the gates with advertising, but due to the massive delay, a lot of people have most likely forgotten about it's release. I remember seeing trailers for this film over a year ago in theaters, and being quite excited for it. It wasn't until about two weeks ago that I saw a short TV spot, and thought oh wow that movie still hasn't come out. Several films have endured similar fates. One that comes to mind was Joss Whedon's Cabin In the Woods which was delayed several years. Thankfully the substance of "Cabin In The Woods" was able to save it and create a fan base. Unfortunately I cannot say the same for Eli Roth's odd Cannibal Holocaust satire film The Green Inferno. After over a year of waiting, I was able to finally sit in a local theater to watch the film, and it made me cringe...out of embarrassment.

The Green Inferno is a film that was made almost two years ago, but is just now seeing it's first commercial release. The film was written and directed by Eli Roth, and co-written by Guillermo Amoedo. The film stars Lorenza Izzo, Ariel Levy, Daryl Sabara, Kirby Bliss Blanton, and Aaron Burns. The film began shooting in early 2013 and had a 6 million dollar budget. A sequel was also greenlit by the production company but due to financial problems, it is unlikely to see the light of day unless the project finds a new home.

The film begins at a college in New York City as we follow the stunning Lorenza Izzo who plays Justine, a freshman. Despite most of this cast being awkward and amateur, Izzo stands out as a stunning beauty who brings a lot to her role. She has incredibly piercing eyes that the camera focuses on quite a bit. The eyes end up being a big part of her look later in the film when she is covered in white tribal paint. I have a feeling that is part of the reason she was cast in the lead. Sadly she is one of the only interesting characters in the film. The film is riddled with actors and characters that seem poorly written and amateur. Starting with her roommate Kaycee (Sky Ferreira) who is one of the most unlikable characters to ever grace the screen. Not only does she deliver her lines with the enthusiasm of a second year high school senior in detention, but she appears to have just woken up. I'm not sure if they did her make up a certain way to convey this, but she looked like a tired strung out homeless girl. She also delivered her lines with a dialed up obnoxious attitude. At first I thought this was intentional so the audience would be rooting for her to get killed, but it never really leads to anything other than annoyance. As quickly as we are introduced to this bond between two best friends, she disappears from the film and bares no importance. Then we are introduced to a group of incredibly annoying college social warriors who have founded their own environmental group. The group marches on campus and does hunger strikes, often preaching for a cause that goes unnoticed. Justine runs into the group and finds them interesting after meeting a slap happy member of the group named Jonah (Aaron Burns). Jonah asks her to come to a meeting which is where she meets the rest of the group.

The group consists of some of the douchiest, dumbest, and most obnoxious characters imaginable. Some seem to be written this way, while others seem to just act that way. One thing I immediately notice is that a majority of the group seems to have very thick foreign accents, despite them being at a college in America. I actually had to double check and make sure she wasn't attending school in a foreign country because some of these people sounded Spanish, while others sounded French. I'm not sure if that's just supposed to be representative of the melting pot in New York or what, but it comes off like a bunch of amateur actors delivering cheesy English dialogue they seem to struggle with. I would say the film's biggest downfall is the acting and dialogue. This problem is showcased immediately when we meet Alejandro (Ariel Levy) and his girlfriend Kara (Ignacia Allamand) who both deliver their lines like they are reading off of cue cards. To say the dialogue was amateur is an understatement. You can blame the actors for their awkward delivery, especially since English is apparently their second language, but you cannot blame them for the script. I found some of the lines laughable, in scenes that weren't meant for comedy. Anytime Alejandro or Kara spoke...I laughed. I'm not sure what the writer was thinking with these characters, but the vision was not coming out on screen. Needless to say, I was ready to see all of these terrible actors get killed off and it couldn't happen soon enough.

After Justine blindly joins a social warrior cause led by fellow oblivious college kids, she flies to Peru with the group. Once the group arrives in Peru the film starts to pick up and we are introduced to the main storyline. The group of kids is trying to stop part of the rainforest from being destroyed because it will kill off a local tribe. The club shows up to the construction site and attempts to delay this from happening. Without spoiling it, their journey becomes slightly more complicated and they find themselves stranded in the hands of a cannibalistic local tribe. The tribe doesn't speak English and they seem to have fun skinning people alive and putting their heads on posts. Through some visual storytelling the tribes people are made out to be rather terrifying. I was concerned about this film until the moment the tribe came in, then I had a bit of hope. The fear that the people experience seems genuine and you can really feel how overwhelming the whole experience is just by watching on screen. The film does bring some terror onto the screen through these moments of hopelessness. Unfortunately whenever the film starts to get a real scary vibe going, it's completely ruined by bad dialogue or misplaced comedy. At one point there is intense drum music happening, leading you to believe something intense is about to happen, and it's actually just building up to a girl having diarrhea. That's right, there's an orchestral build-up to diarrhea. I would say that is actually symbolic of my feelings on this movie. Lots of epic build up, ready to jump out of your seat, then BOOM! ...diarrhea.

Now one thing everybody wants to know is, is it gory? Eli Roth isn't exactly known for making quality films, but he has always delivered on the gore factor. He became famous because of his association with HOSTEL, so fans of his have come to expect a certain level of violence. I think you won't be disappointed in that aspect, as there is some pretty gut wrenching scenes involving dismemberment and cannibalism. There is some practical effects used early on that provide an extremely visceral scene, which makes for good horror. I also noticed Greg Nicotero's name attached to the film so I'm guessing that was him who helped with that scene. Unfortunately one scene involves some pretty terrible CGI and it totally kills any intensity that death scene had. So it's a mixed bag in terms of effects.

Overall The Green Inferno is a sub-par horror film that reeks of bad student films. The dialogue is poorly written, the acting is awful, and the storytelling really falls flat. However the film does supply a few scary moments and it explores the idea of social media warriors. So if you hate all of those people on the internet preaching and posting petitions, you might dig where this film goes. It's truly a hipster's worst nightmare. It pokes fun at the absurdity of social media campaigns and how easily young minds can be fooled into thinking they are intelligent. I have to give the film some points for being clever in it's choice of victims. Unfortunately for this young mind, I was fooled by the trailers, and I thought this film was actually going to be good.