Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Review

Written by Stu Cooper

This past week marked the release of the newest live action installment of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” and it was an odd one. Before it's release the film was riddled with rumors of re-shoots, script rewrites and an outcry of negativity from the original Turtles fan-base, so to say I had low expectations is a drastic understatement. My expectations were met with mediocre action, a convoluted villain story, and the most wooden April O'Neil you will ever see. With that said, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I realized before I went into the theater that I cannot let myself be a victim to nostalgia and I have to look at the film as if I were a 9 year old kid, and not a full grown man who has seen every cinematic trope 1,000 times. With that kind of mind set, I still found myself bored with the film but it showed signs of hope.

“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” is the fifth full length Ninja Turtles film and is the fourth live action incarnation. The film is directed by Johnathan Liebesman and is produced by Michael Bay and his company Platinum Dunes. The film is a reboot and started around 2009 when TMNT co-creator Peter Laird sold the rights to Nickelodeon. The immediate result was the brand new television show which has since become quite popular. The film itself has been in production for a few years and has been met with mostly negative feedback ever since early drafts of the script emerged. Bay supposedly responded to some of this feedback and the film had many re-shoots. The film stars Megan Fox as April O'Neil, Will Arnett as the Channel 6 cameraman Vern, Johnny Knoxville as Leonardo, as well as Alan Ritchson, Noel Fisher, and Jeremy Howard playing the other turtles.

The story revolves around April O'Neil chasing a story involving chemicals that cause mutations. These chemicals are linked to an experiment her father used to be involved in. April begins to investigate and soon learns of “The Foot Clan” and their involvement with the recent crime spree in New York City. Before getting busted spying by “The Foot” The Ninja Turtles quickly appear and save the day. April witnesses this and as a result becomes obsessed with tracking down these so-called “Ninja Turtles”. Through this story we meet Will Arnett as Vernon, who was a rather forgettable character in the cartoon. The character in the film is slightly more fleshed out but is really just some schmuck obsessed with April. You should get used to that theme, because it will pop up in the story A LOT. There is a bit of awkward tension between April and Michelangelo. The turtles even full on cock-block Vernon at one point. Through April we also meet her boss played by Whoopi Goldberg. I'm not sure why Whoopi was chosen for the role because it really only features two throwaway scenes and Whoopi has certainly seen better days. It was not a good spotlight for her. I'd much rather see her reprise Guinan on Star Trek!

Once April becomes involved with the turtles we meet their master “Splinter” who is voiced by Tony Shalhoub. This has to be the worst casting choice in the entire movie. Shalhoub's voice is so distinctive that you can't picture anyone but “Monk” talking every time Splinter talks. It doesn't help that the CGI for Splinter is quite odd and looks borderline gross. He looks like a rat who is partially in a fetus state. Doesn't exactly scream likable kung-fu master.

The villain of the story is also introduced through April. April's father apparently worked with two men, one of them went on to become an evil billionaire. This evil billionaire was apparently raised by Shredder, and he uses his money to help Shredder gain a hold over New York City. The character reminded me a lot of “Max Shreck” from Batman Returns. He is a evil man who is invented out of convenience for the REAL main villain. There is a nice little nod at the beginning of the film when you see Sacks (evil billionaire) wearing a Grey suit with a purple tie. It looks very similar to Shredder's outfit in the original cartoon. While the Sacks character takes up most of the villain time, we do get treated to a bad-ass incarnation of Shredder. The Shredder character seems to be similar to most of his previous versions. He has a very deep menacing voice and a scarred up face. The major difference would be his battle attire which is a tad over the top. The armor consists of a vast array of knives. It actually makes him look so dangerous, you can't understand how anyone could even touch him. The way the suit moves is also very robotic and reminds me of Transformers or a villain from Soul Calibur. Overall tho, I was very pleased with the use of Shredder. I told myself that as long as Shredder was alright, I could enjoy the film.

The real downfall of the film comes with Megan Fox as April O'Neil. If you didn't like Megan Fox in the Transformers films, you're really not going to like her in this. It's more of the same. Lots of beauty shots of her lovely hot face, but once she talks you feel immediately turned off. The acting by Fox is quite wooden, and it's hard to believe she is ever in any real danger. The issue with this is, she is constantly in danger, even more so than the turtles! This movie should have been called “April O'Neil feat. The Ninja Turtles” because she is the subject of the film. This is almost not a Ninja Turtles movie at all, it just happens to feature them. The first 20-30 minutes of the film is mostly centered on Fox. I'm not sure what I don't like about it more, that the Turtles are second to her character, or that she is the actress playing the character. I can't help but wonder if I would like the character more, if the cast choice was better. The film ends up giving April more credit than the actual turtles when it's all said and done. If the turtles can't do it, April can!

Speaking of the turtles. Let's talk about them for a second. The turtles are similar enough to their characters in the cartoon. You won't get any of the darkness from the comics, but that's to be expected. Each turtle has one particular trait and that's about all there is to that character. Michelangelo's sole trait seems to be crushing on April. Leonardo is the leader, Raphael is the angry loner, and Donatello is a gigantic nerd. They will demonstrate these traits often. In terms of their look, they are wearing far too many accessories and that makes them look a little busy. They also sometimes wear glasses, which is fine but makes them feel a little obnoxious. Their fighting skills are pretty spot on, but they move insanely fast and if you get nauseated easily, you may get annoyed by that. Donatello seems to be the one who gets the most out of their weaponry. His staff proves to be quite resourceful.

Another thing you'll also see almost as much as April on screen is the PIZZA HUT logo! There is so much product placement in this film that the characters literally describe Pizza Hut pizza while the camera pans across a multitude of Pizza Hut brand boxes. It was like a product placement scene out of Wayne's World. I remember in the older films it was pretty heavy handed, but not quite this bad. If I hadn't had a pretty disgusting looking pizza from there recently, I may be tempted to order Pizza Hut after viewing the film.

In the end, I had to remind myself that this is a children's film and if I was 9 years old I might not care about the quality of the actors. The action scenes in the film are definitely high impact and intense, so for a kid hyped on sugar staring at the screen without a care in the world, it might be the right movie. If you are a child over the age of 12, or an adult hoping to relive the nostalgia of the late 80's, you may find yourself disappointed. This film serves it's purpose and I would say it's on par with the fully animated feature TMNT that came out a couple of years back. I think this film should have been fully animated like that one, since most of the CGI to human scenes came off wooden anyways. With the cameo by Baxter Stockman in the film (keep your eyes open) and the nod to other characters, I'm hoping maybe the sequels can further tap into that nostalgia part of TMNT that we all love. If you're looking for a brainless action movie to take the kids to, this would be an alright choice. If you are craving something a little more from your Turtles then I would suggest revisiting the 1990 classic film.

Top 5 Godzilla Villains - Number 1

Written by Stu Cooper

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard about the release of "GODZILLA" this past week. I have already seen the film and I will be posting my full review later this weekend. To celebrate the release I've been ranking the Top 5 Godzilla villains of all-time. It's been a fun week and I've enjoyed researching these insane creatures. I knew from the start who my number one spot would go to. It won't be a shocker to most Godzilla fans. This monster is considered by most to be Godzilla's true rival. The monster I consider the number one Godzilla villain of all-time is...GHIDORAH!

Ghidorah, sometimes referred to as Ghidrah, is a very iconic monster in the world of TOHO and Kaijus. The creature itself is based on the famous mythological figure, the three headed hydra. The creature has three heads, two tails, and no arms. What it lacks in arm strength it makes up for in fire power. Each head can fire an intense lightning like blast. Ghidorah made it's debut in the 1964 film "Ghidorah, The Three Headed Monster" which also served as the fifth Godzilla film. This film actually marked the first occasion in the Godzilla series in which Godzilla was the hero and not the villain. Ghidorah comes to earth and causes destruction, only to be defeated by Godzilla,Rodan AND Mothra. One funny thing about Ghidorah is that he rarely gets a fair fight. It's often three on one or two on one. In the "Destroy All Monsters" film Ghidorah gets beaten to death by nearly every TOHO creation at once. The thing is, he always comes back. Nothing can keep this monster down.

As far as Ghidorah's story, there isn't much history. All we really know is that the creature is from space and is often under the influence or control of some alien race. My personal favorite appearance of Ghidorah is in "Godzilla vs. Monster Zero" otherwise known as "Invasion of the Astro Monster". In that film Ghidorah is quite powerful and is controlled by a pretty entertaining group of aliens. The aliens actually trick the humans quite easily and are free to use Godzilla as they please. It's a very goofy plot but makes for a fun film. That film was always featured on TNT's "Monstervision" with Joe Bob Briggs. But that show is another article for another day.

In the later incarnations of the Godzilla franchise we again see Ghidorah become a main nemesis. In the film "Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah" we actually see Ghidorah get a "Mecha" upgrade and become even more badass and dangerous. That film is considered a favorite among many hardcore Godzilla fans because of it's crazy story, intense action, and cool monsters. I highly recommend checking that film out if you're looking to experience Godzilla at it's best. Ghidorah appeared in another film called "All Out Monsters Attack" and that one is also quite intense and cinematic. Ghidorah is portrayed as some type of God and is actually a protagonist! It's an odd departure. Ghidorah's final Godzilla film appearance would be in the appropriately titled "Final Wars". Planet X once again attempts to takeover the earth, except this time they use every Godzilla villain at once. The final monster is Ghidorah, who transforms into a creature called "Monster X". They sure do love their X's. I wish they'd take some of mine into outer space!

You really can't go wrong with any of the Ghidorah appearances. Ghidorah is also a friend of the number 5 entry in the countdown, Gigan. The two of them teamed up in "Godzilla vs. Gigan". Ghidorah also appeared in the "Zone Fighter" tv show. The Rebirth of Mothra films also feature many references to Ghidorah, and even two incarnations of the creature. Ghidorah is also often a main villain in several Godzilla video games, namely the NES and SNES games. Maintaining the idea that Ghidorah is Godzilla's main rival. It's safe to say he is one of the more popular TOHO villains.

The decision to rank Ghidorah at number one was due to his power, relentless pursuit of Godzilla, and overall intimidation factor. This creature is considered a frightening figure in mythology for a reason! The three headed hydra has been scaring human beings for generations, so it's naturally going to be a competitor in the monster arena. If we are lucky we might see a creature of this magnitude in future Godzilla films.

It's been a fun countdown and I think we've only really touched the tip of the Godzilla universe. I encourage you all to explore these films and the mythos behind them. Some of them are campy, some of them are symbolic, and some of them are the 1998 garbage pile starring Matthew Broderick. I will return with my full review of the 2014 Godzilla!

Top 5 Godzilla Villains - Number 2

Written By Stu Cooper

We are getting down to the nitty gritty! With only two entries left, I have a lot to consider. Thanks to TOHO, fans have a vast array of monsters to choose from. Godzilla has produced so many sequels and spin-off's that I could do a top 10 countdown and still not scratch the surface. Like I mentioned earlier in the countdown, my choices are being made based on the overall strength, creative look, and overall impact the creature had on the franchise. I remember when I was about 7 or 8 years old I went to a friend's house and he had several old Godzilla films I had not seen. When I came over one day he was actually watching one that featured TWO Godzilla monsters. I thought immediately how is this possible?! I saw them fighting and everything. I didn't get an explanation at that moment and was actually left wondering what the hell I saw for several years. It was not until I was around 10 that I had access to the internet and found out about Mechagodzilla. I tracked down a copy of the film and there it was. What I had witnessed was Godzilla fighting his robotic equal! So without spending too much time on my childhood, let's dive into the number two entry in the Godzilla Villain Countdown...MECHAGODZILLA!

MechaGodzilla made his film debut in "Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla" in 1974. At this point the Godzilla franchise was a well oiled machine and had produced films almost on a yearly basis. The films unfortunately had diminished in quality progressively throughout the years, and had turned Godzilla into a cartoon of sorts. But thanks to this film, Godzilla would be taken seriously once again when he would meet a foe that truly was his equal...MechaGodzilla. MechaGodzilla is actually introduced as a clone Godzilla of sorts.

In "Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla" we see Godzilla destroying the city, going on a rampage, despite the fact that he is not a villain at this point. I imagine this puzzled first time viewers of the film as it did the 8 year old me. After Bizarro Godzilla destroys a city he has a fight with his then partner Anguirus, and actually brutally beats him. No comedy to it. I'm sure that was a shocker to the fans considering the light hearted nature of the last couple entries. During this fight a piece of Godzilla's skin is chipped off and it's revealed that there is metal underneath. Well later we soon find out that this Godzilla is a fake, and the real Godzilla shows up. The two beasts battle until the Bizarro Godzilla sheds it's green skin and reveals itself to be MECHA-GODZILLA! The big reveal is a very cool moment. You really get that big fight feel and you know Godzilla will have his hands full. A huge fight ensues and we get to see MechaGodzilla show off all sorts of weaponry. Lasers out of the chest, lasers out of the eyes, rockets out of the fingers, rockets out of the toes, rockets out of the knees, a forcefield, spinning head, and the list goes on. This guy is just loaded to the brim with artillery. Of course eventually Godzilla conquers him and he meets his demise, but it is short lived. MechaGodzilla would return in 1978's "Terror of MechaGodzilla". In both films MechaGodzilla is controlled by ape like aliens bent on world domination, otherwise known as a Tuesday in TOHO Tokyo. In the later films throughout the 80's,90's, and 2000's MechaGodzilla is controlled by the military.

So let's lay out all the different versions of this mechanical beast. There was the original MechaGodzilla 1 which was featured in Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla and Terror of MechaGodzilla. This one was controlled by aliens and used for evil. Soon after that Godzilla took a long absence. MechaGodzilla would be back in "Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla 2". In that one MechaGodzilla is actually reverse engineered from parts left over from Mecha King Ghidorah. Then in the 2000's there is a MechaGodzilla referred to as "Kiryu". This one was created using the bones of the original Godzilla. The government had some pretty bizarre ideas at this point. This version was featured in another "Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla" film and a film called "Tokyo SOS".

At this point we are looking at 5 appearances and 3 different forms! That's some star power! After the countless battles with Godzilla, the consistent upgrades, and never say die nature of this monster, I have no doubts that MechaGodzilla deserves the number two spot in this countdown. MechaGodzilla is everything a nemesis should be. Just like Godzilla, he never stays down.

Retro Game Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in "The Fall of the Foot Clan" for Gameboy

Written by Stuart Cooper

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan (Gameboy,1990)

One thing I wanted to start doing on this blog was revisit older video games. One system I've always been quite fond of is the Nintendo Gameboy. When I was younger I had a pretty massive gameboy collection but unfortunately sold most of my games. Since then I've gone back and recollected multiple games from my childhood. One of those games was "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan". There were 3 TMNT games for the original gameboy and I plan on reviewing all three of them eventually. This game was released in 1990 by Konami in the midst of the TMNT craze that was sweeping the globe. I grew up during the Turtles era and I collected pretty much everything Ninja Turtles. The video games were no exception.

This turtles adventure is a very basic side scrolling adventure game. It is not really similar to any of the arcade or home console games, but is a side scrolling game none the less. The game opens up with a story informing you that April has been kidnapped (go figure) and it is up to the four Ninja Turtles to find and save her. Upon starting up the game you can actually do quite a bit. You can change the controls to fit your comfort, you can choose any of the four turtles, and you can even choose which level to start on! The only catch is that if you don't start from Level 1 you will not receive the full ending of the game, so that is certainly a good reason to just suck it up and start from the beginning. I was able to make it through the entire game and beat it in one sitting, so you shouldn't have too many issues with the difficulty. The game still has a fair amount of challenge, but is relatively short and easy compared to some of the other turtles games. The turtles can do three things, attack, jump, and if you hold down and the attack button you can throw shurikens at your enemy! This makes your turtles pretty fierce and really the only challenging parts will come with some of the jumps. The level design is your basic sewer background, city background, factory, an outdoor level and parts of the technodrome.

The enemies consist of Foot clan members, mousers, flying robots that look like giant flies, and those rolling robots that shoot out wires. You will see lots of familiar characters, so they at least got that much right. The boss battles are my favorite part because they feature pretty much all the iconic villains in the series. The first level boss is Rocksteady, second level is Bebop, third level is Baxter Stockman, fourth level is Shredder, and the final boss is Krang! The villains actually look quite good as well. As a matter of fact the graphics are quite crisp for a early gameboy game, I was very pleased with that aspect of the game. The only issue with the villains is that they are just too easy! Shredder was one of the easiest bosses in the game and you can't help but wish he was more menacing. At first I found it odd that Krang was the boss and not Shredder but I do remember early on in the series Shredder seemed to answer to Krang and do his bidding, so that makes sense. The game also features a great sounding soundtrack considering it's limited gameboy capacity. The tracks are various incarnations of the turtles theme music, with some different music being played during the story scenes and epilogue.

Overall I would consider this game to be a great addition to any classic gaming collection. The game itself can be found pretty cheap on amazon or ebay, I personally got my copy for less than 5 dollars and I would definitely consider it worth the money. If anything it will give you a nice trip down memory lane and remind you of the good old days when cowabunga and pizza were all the rage. Hopefully I can pick up the other two TMNT gameboy games and review those as well.